Dear Mama Tao:
Although the home birth of my little Abednego a month ago was spiritually redemptive, having suffered unnecessarily through Rape-of-Birth-Experience with the hospital extractions of the first two (as you made me see! Hugz!), I seek something even more empowering with my next birth experience. So I have decided to accelerate my journey toward Birth Goddessdom by live-blogging and web-casting this time (we're TTC already!).
I envision myself deep in a primeval forest in the light of a full moon, surrounded by chanting Buddhist monks and the dulcet sounds of Enya wafting through the trees, while the world witnesses the most intimate moment of my life with collective bated breath. Plus I will make sure the camera only catches me from my good side. It will doubtless go far in making up for the inadequacies of my first two births! I'm tearing up just thinking about it!
Because my pelvis shape always seems to prolong baby's descent (simply variations of normal and nothing repositioning won't solve), I will probably labor a good ten days or more, which will provide plenty of time for the web-cast to go viral. Perhaps even "Dr." She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (manipulative shrew!) will write about it, driving even more traffic my way. That way scores of womyn will see how blissful and empowering birth is, provided one makes the right choices, surrounds oneself only with positive support, Trusts Birth (TM), and realizes that this is what our bodies are MADE for!
Do you have any suggestions for elements I might add to my performance? And what should I do to prepare myself for the inevitable insults hurled my way by the sheeple who don't believe in evidence-based care?
Bunnies and Flowers
Dear Bunnies and Flowers,
As Richard Gere sang in "Chicago" I think you should "give ‘em the old razzle dazzle". Some of the best elements of stage work include costumes and lighting.
Anything sparkly will surely gain the attention of the sheeple and those who are already birthing goddesses. I highly suggest you and your birthing partner visit your local thrift store and buy up all the glittery and colorful clothes you can find. Audiences are always awed by multiple costume changes so see if you can work a few in.
Perhaps you and your husband can also find some cheap colored lighting gels to hold up in from of your lamps. Setting the mood will be a huge part of the performance. Try changing the colors to match your pain filled screams. Red should be saved for the actual moment of birth as it will wash out the hemorrhaging!
Finally, if you find you are in the mood before you deliver, try to work in a few Ginger and Fred style tap dances--you can even make up lyrics to go along with what you are doing!
Best of Luck to you! I know you you'll be a star! Send us the link when you get your pod cast started.