By: Lactivism Lizzie
What's up crunchy mamas? Are you ready to work those swollen goodies of yours and wring out every last delicious drop of liquid gold? Get your boob-pumps ready, Earth goddesses; it's time to milk 'em for all they're worth!
First, did you know that your mama milk is a living, life-giving, vital fluid that can be replicated nowhere else on Earth? Well, so is semen, but that's another post (see my archives for some sweet recipes for your husband's leftover man-milk). Anyhoo, Breast milk Saves Lives (just ask fellow lactivist and crunchy placenta-eating rock goddess The Feminist Breeder!) and nothing, yes nothing, else will do for your baby.
But Mama Milk ain't just for babies, fellow Composting Cuties! Nope, your boob juice can nourish, heal, and provide cleansing products for the entire family! For example, pretty much any recipe that calls for milk, cream, egg white, or even just a "dash of love" can have breast milk substituted in. That's right, just think how ecstatic your family will be on Sunday morning when presented with a hot, buttery stack of Breast milk Pancakes! And don't forget, instead of putting a dollop of processed commercial Prairie Farms cream in your organically grown and harvested coffee, just put a healthy helping of home-grown Liquid Gold in that coffee cup!
And did you know that you can make your own soaps and candles using your 'specially formulated milk-o'-mama? That's right, Earth mamas; but a word of caution: wait until your second or third month milk comes in (no colostrum!). Those of you still breastfeeding your teenagers and husbands can start right away, with this simple recipe: 3 lbs. vegetable shortening, 17 ounces dark olive oil, 18 ounces Safflower oil, 6 cups thawed breast milk, 12 ounces pure sodium hydroxide (lye - Red Devil brand works), 1 ounce Borax, 2 TLBS honey, and Ice Cubes. Heat and stir, moosh and mix, ‘til you have a nicely blended liquid ready to pour into your molds (I personally adore the breast-shaped molds from adamandeve.com; so apropos!).
And let's not forget to protect the whole fam damily when cold and flu season arrives! Instead of heading to Dr. Evil's lair and requesting an autism-filled flu shot, just inoculate your own family with your ready-to-use, pure and unadulterated lactation vaccination! Family members can just nurse at your breast three times a day for about 10 minutes each time, or you can just utilize some of your precious freezer stores and make a delicious and life-giving smoothie for your honeys!
So there you have it, fellow Milk Mommies! There is no reason you shouldn't be producing what you were born to produce and puttin' it to use! Stay tuned for other fun lactivism factivism (including tips on how to breastfeed your family when in a restaurant) and some other amazing health benefits from lifelong lactation! Bottoms up!Lactivism Lizzie is a lactation consultant at her local Health Department. She has been breastfeeding her four children for the last twelve years!