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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Guest Post: Healthy Ideas for Breastmilk!

By: Lactivism Lizzie

What's up crunchy mamas? Are you ready to work those swollen goodies of yours and wring out every last delicious drop of liquid gold? Get your boob-pumps ready, Earth goddesses; it's time to milk 'em for all they're worth!

First, did you know that your mama milk is a living, life-giving, vital fluid that can be replicated nowhere else on Earth?  Well, so is semen, but that's another post (see my archives for some sweet recipes for your husband's leftover man-milk).  Anyhoo, Breast milk Saves Lives (just ask fellow lactivist and crunchy placenta-eating rock goddess The Feminist Breeder!) and nothing, yes nothing, else will do for your baby.

But Mama Milk ain't just for babies, fellow Composting Cuties! Nope, your boob juice can nourish, heal, and provide cleansing products for the entire family!  For example, pretty much any recipe that calls for milk, cream, egg white, or even just a "dash of love" can have breast milk substituted in.  That's right, just think how ecstatic your family will be on Sunday morning when presented with a hot, buttery stack of Breast milk Pancakes! And don't forget, instead of putting a dollop of processed commercial Prairie Farms cream in your organically grown and harvested coffee, just put a healthy helping of home-grown Liquid Gold in that coffee cup!

And did you know that you can make your own soaps and candles using your 'specially formulated milk-o'-mama? That's right, Earth mamas; but a word of caution: wait until your second or third month milk comes in (no colostrum!).  Those of you still breastfeeding your teenagers and husbands can start right away, with this simple recipe: 3 lbs. vegetable shortening, 17 ounces dark olive oil, 18 ounces Safflower oil, 6 cups thawed breast milk, 12 ounces pure sodium hydroxide (lye - Red Devil brand works), 1 ounce Borax, 2 TLBS honey, and Ice Cubes. Heat and stir, moosh and mix, ‘til you have a nicely blended liquid ready to pour into your molds (I personally adore the breast-shaped molds from; so apropos!).

And let's not forget to protect the whole fam damily when cold and flu season arrives!  Instead of heading to Dr. Evil's lair and requesting an autism-filled flu shot, just inoculate your own family with your ready-to-use, pure and unadulterated lactation vaccination! Family members can just nurse at your breast three times a day for about 10 minutes each time, or you can just utilize some of your precious freezer stores and make a delicious and life-giving smoothie for your honeys!

So there you have it, fellow Milk Mommies! There is no reason you shouldn't be producing what you were born to produce and puttin' it to use! Stay tuned for other fun lactivism factivism (including tips on how to breastfeed your family when in a restaurant) and some other amazing health benefits from lifelong lactation! Bottoms up!
Lactivism Lizzie is a lactation consultant at her local Health Department. She has been breastfeeding her four children for the last twelve years!


  1. You are a breastfeeding goddess ! You were MADE to do this !!

    Did you also know that breastmilk is a great substitute for an epidural FACT

    And who wouldn't rather have a warm nipple pressed against their lumbar region than a huge steel needle grinding into their spinal chord !

    Another blow agianst Big Pharma and their mad-icines thanks to REAL women.

  2. Thanks for the soap recipe! We're a chemical-free household, so I'm always looking for new ways to incorporate breastmilk into my cleaning supplies. Anyone have a good method for preparing breastmilk shampoo? Also, you've inspired me to use more breastmilk in my meal prep. I'm going to be pumping all day tomorrow so that I can cook for my family for the week.

  3. crunchy

    You don't actually need to do anything to turn breastmilk into shampoo, just squirt it direct from sourse onto the scalp, separating the hair as you do so to make sure you get even coverage, then comb through the length.

    Leave to dry and voila ! beautiful, soft, clean supple hair. 100% natural and chemical free (0:

    My husband's hair grew back after we started this regime.

    Breastmilk cures baldness. FACT

    You can also use it as a polish for your child's placenta teddybear. Brings it up to a lovely shine.

  4. Crunchmaster FlashMarch 14, 2011 at 7:18 AM

    You use shampoo and you call yourself crunchy? WTF mama? How many raccoons do you see sudsing up their pelts in the rain, huh? Shampoo is about as natural as a plastic baby jail!