tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-89199690371860445392024-03-14T02:23:18.395-07:00The Mama Tao: All Things Nature in ParentingJade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-25236384207436065212013-03-20T18:20:00.001-07:002013-03-20T18:31:25.970-07:00The Hills are ALIVE with the sound of MUSIK<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">Now this is a story all about how,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">Our boobs got flipped, turned upside down.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br style="color: #333333; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;" /><span style="color: #333333; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">,</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: yellow;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">I’ll tell you how I became the Queen of this thing called Nature.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br /><br />In the west of the suburbs, born and raised,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />At the chiro, is where I spend most of my days.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />Lactating, AP’ing, doing yoga in the nude,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />And passing out awareness cards inside of Whole Foods.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br /><br />When a couple of bitches, who were up to no good,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />Started bottle feeding in my neighborhood.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />I gave them one little tip and they got mad.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />I tell you, why can’t they see that breastfeeding is so rad?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br /><br />I whistled for my pals and when they came near,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />I could smell strong incense, patchouli, and their unwashed hair.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />If anything, I saw that they started to fret,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />But I thought, nah forget it, let’s go to Target!</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br /><br />We were blocking the aisles by seven or eight,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />And we yelled at the shoppers, “My baby has to eat!”</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />Breastfeeding our babies, we were finally there,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: yellow; color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;"><br />To sit on our thrones, as the Queens of Nature.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="color: #333333; display: inline; line-height: 13.600000381469727px;">~~ Lyrics by DJ *D*S*C</span></span></span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-90084064885486513212013-03-19T14:12:00.000-07:002013-03-20T18:20:37.262-07:0010 reasons not to trust your OB<br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Your OB is probably a man.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Men don't have a Yoni.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he has no yoni he's never charted his cycle to know exactly when he ovulates.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he has no ovaries.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">he has no uterus.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he has no uterus he's never been pregnant.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he's never been pregnant he's never been in labor.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he's never been in labor he's never felt contraction surges.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he's never felt contraction surges he's never had a natural birth.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If he's never given birth naturally he's not an expert on natural birth.</span></li>
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Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-13182164504383342072013-03-10T09:45:00.000-07:002013-03-10T16:03:23.239-07:00Emily: A Lesson in Logical Fallacies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A few days ago I was trolling over at <a href="http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2011/04/henci-goer-is-afraid-of-me.html">The Skeptical OB,</a> like I normally do on Sundays, when I came across a young NCBer who wast trying to call Dr. Amy out for being a troll. Now we all know Dr. Amy is a troll, but not by the definitions that this young woman named "Emily" was using.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Emily stated that Dr. Amy was a troll because she was mean and ugly. I did some research at my old <a href="http://www.google.com/">University</a> and found the real definition of "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)">Troll</a>" and provided it to Emily so that she may better her trolling skills. I also offered to teach her about the noble art of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spam_(electronic)">SPAM</a>. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In a moment of embarrassment for misunderstanding the term "troll", Emily deleted her post....but she later returned....as Ginger. Now rememeber that "Emily" is "Ginger" even when she is "Emily".</span><br />
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Ginger:</strong></span><br />
<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">TROLL <br />
noun/trōl/ <br />
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The action of trolling for fish <br />
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A line or bait used in such fishing <br />
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An e-mail message or posting on the Internet intended to provoke an indignant response in the reader <br />
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Sorry but you ARE a troll. You troll websites, comments sections, profiles, just to find someone to beat up on. Do you really think that kind of behavior commands respect? If you want to be the authority, you don't gain it by being a bully to silly mom bloggers on Babble. That just makes you a troll, not a serious professional to be given respect. <br />
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One thing that sticks out in my mind is your post "sure my baby died but look at the benefits to me." I'm still disgusted by that. Some woman who had her baby die at a home birth, and you were vicious! Instead of reaching out, asking her to see where she went wrong, explain how she was lied to by her midwife, maybe tell her story on Hurt By Homebirth, you FOLLOWED her around the internet. You copy and pasted her grieving words on a spiritual website and made fun of her! What kind of a professional does that? Why do you think you should be treated as a valid member of the medical community when you write things like that? <br />
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I hate to break it to you, but you say MUCH worse DAILY about women than calling them a troll. <br />
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Your tactics will be your undoing.</span></span><br />
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong><em> </em><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><em><span style="color: #274e13;">Welcome back, Emily! I see you have changed your name and updated your reply to contain some of the information I gave you last time. Your trolling is coming along just fine, Emily. I super proud of you. You were totally right to cut and run last time because that answer was weak baby. Glad you're learning. <br />
Come see me sometime themamatao.blogspot.com <br />
Bye Emily!</span></em></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao: </strong><em><span style="color: #274e13;"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText">Now for your second lesson, Emily--SPAM! <br />
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Years ago, Emily, when the internet was new and a website was attacked by a troll, all of the members of that site would run off the troll by repeating the word SPAM (Yes, just like Monty Python!!) <br />
Now Emily, I will show you how that works, Emily!</span> </span></em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong> <span style="color: #274e13;">SPAM</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong> <span style="color: #274e13;">SPAM</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao</strong>: <span style="color: #274e13;">SPAM</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao</strong> :<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13;">You see what I'm doing here, Emily? SPAM</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao: </strong><span style="color: #274e13;">SPAM</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13;">Now you try, Emily....say SPAM!</span></span> </span><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13;">Say SPAM , Emily....</span></span></span> </span><br />
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao:</strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13;">EMILY!!! Where are you? SPAM</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong><span style="color: black;">Mama Tao:</span></strong> SPAM?</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: black; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">[Now at this point, you're prolly thinking like I was: that kooky Emily was not going to reply....but she does! The next part has edited out some random people because they bore me]</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Emily:</strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: red;">Dear Mama Tao, <br />
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Are you stoned? On your second quart of box wine? Out of Xanax? Because you sound like a freak. <br />
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I'm not "Emily". Believe it or not, there are many people out there who think Dr. Amys personal vendettas and toxic demeanor ruin her message. And replying with the word "spam" 10 times just reinforces the point. Childish and closed-minded. <br />
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I will congratulate you however on having the most trivial and immature response seen on a blog to date. Well done. <br />
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Now get back to working on your mediocre parody birth blog. Instead of pestering people and embarrassing yourself, you need to focus on new material. That blog you pedal all over the internet is getting old fast. It makes a knock knock joke sound refreshing and innovative.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><span class="js-singleCommentName jsk-ItemName jsk-LinkColor jsk-LinkFont js-kit-clickable" style="cursor: pointer;"><strong>attitude devant</strong></span><span class="js-singleCommentIP jsk-SecondaryFontColor" style="display: none;"></span></span> :<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: blue;">the word is "peddle" Ginger </span><span style="color: black;">[She means Emily]</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Emily: </strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: red;">Thank you attitude devant. <br />
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That was a very important notation. I am writing a formal complaint to Steve Jobs at Apple regarding that auto correct suggestion and how it completely changed the meaning and tone of the comment. I'm glad you specifically (and swiftly) responded to my terrible error. <br />
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In the future, I will submit all hastily typed messages on a three inch keyboard to a formal editor so as not to confuse you with any horrific mistakes (see above). My deepest apologies. <br />
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Or maybe you are just being obnoxious and the only mistake you could argue with is an auto correct suggestion.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;"><strong>Emily:</strong> [Now here, Emily uses her real name and stops playing Ginger...I am guessing she thinks that I don't know Ginger is Emily] </span><span style="color: red;"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText">LOL, this is not me. I have no problem posting under my name. I deleted my original comment because I didn't need negativity and stress over something ridiculous</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText" style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><strong>Mama Tao: </strong><span class="js-singleCommentText jsk-ItemBodyText"><span style="color: #274e13;">Now now Emily, You doth protest too much! Now that you have two profiles going on <br />
I'm getting a bit confused :/ Oh well! <br />
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SPAM <br />
S <br />
P <br />
A <br />
M <br />
! <br />
And Emily, It's really easy to attack a straw man, but most people don't waste time doing it! You're extra special! <br />
Just remember that opinions are like assholes, and yours...........has prolly merged with your vagina after your 4th degree tear you refuse to have fixed after your 4th UC homebirth! It makes you a natural womyn, Emily! Rock it out!</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-2386661415013790392013-02-14T00:30:00.000-08:002013-02-14T10:18:19.047-08:00Mr. TAO is Jealous<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> So apparently Mama Tao has a secret admirer for St. Valentine's day!!! Oh boy was I surprised when I went to the mailbox and discovered a box with no return address. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Being the free loving spirit and trusting soul that I am of course I opened and awwwwwwwwww</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Isn't the face just the most precious babe that you've ever seen ((((((( <3 )))))))</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And the the animation in the eyes is just so lovely</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Is that a Placenta?!?!?!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Delayed cord clamping FTW!!!!</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhWGZP18ebg/URxLCFJko0I/AAAAAAAAAi0/TKG7NA_vUcU/s1600/DSC02938.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vhWGZP18ebg/URxLCFJko0I/AAAAAAAAAi0/TKG7NA_vUcU/s320/DSC02938.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Awww someone knows me so well a Mama who would sooner have her arm cut off than ruin her child's vagina birth! Mr. Tao is not thrilled that someone else got me such a personal gift, but he's still a great lover!<br />Hmmmm This pair need names. Any suggestions?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Happy St. Valentine's day to everyone</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Love always,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mama Tao</span></div>
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<br />Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-57220645319270117182013-02-10T16:23:00.000-08:002013-02-10T16:27:34.560-08:00Get by with a little help from this friend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mh2c4zkrNrk/URg6Syr2UVI/AAAAAAAAAic/BJxCnANijr0/s1600/Ginarator.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="352" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mh2c4zkrNrk/URg6Syr2UVI/AAAAAAAAAic/BJxCnANijr0/s400/Ginarator.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Be sure to leave your results in the comments or on my <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Mama-Tao/182737831783753">Facebook page</a></span></div>
<br />Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-57023325747589059822013-02-08T15:51:00.001-08:002013-02-08T16:41:47.822-08:00Nemo? Isn't he a gimp fish<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.google.org/publicalerts/alert?aid=999ff099d7bfb8bf&hl=en&gl=US&source=web"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Nemo is coming for the East Coast</span></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jQXNHkHpD1M/URWLt0OU_bI/AAAAAAAAAhw/4KVjtQIiTc8/s1600/angry+nemo--.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jQXNHkHpD1M/URWLt0OU_bI/AAAAAAAAAhw/4KVjtQIiTc8/s320/angry+nemo--.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What a bunch of pansies we have here in. Goddamn people this is New England, snow it happens. And we are land of the massholes since when do we go run and hide over a measly few feet of snow??</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vW9C0olLsMI/URWLt7-UvaI/AAAAAAAAAh0/lfGDfEK5FAw/s1600/deval.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="192" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vW9C0olLsMI/URWLt7-UvaI/AAAAAAAAAh0/lfGDfEK5FAw/s320/deval.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And Mama Tao, Mr. Tao and the entire themamatao.com team will be damned if the gubment is going to tell us what to do! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So just for our fans we have some pictures of how to drive right in this snow. How you ask? Why in a VW bus of course.</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-O4S5OtV-jLg/URWKdfkdsBI/AAAAAAAAAhc/WXXB-VhbV98/s1600/vw-bus-snow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="231" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-O4S5OtV-jLg/URWKdfkdsBI/AAAAAAAAAhc/WXXB-VhbV98/s320/vw-bus-snow.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J6B9w0dAau8/URWKdGGAFZI/AAAAAAAAAhU/AKHLtlA6Vis/s1600/tumblr_m8afb1l9s41qb9454o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J6B9w0dAau8/URWKdGGAFZI/AAAAAAAAAhU/AKHLtlA6Vis/s320/tumblr_m8afb1l9s41qb9454o1_500.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Tm3z44O-uDY/URWKdUBI5SI/AAAAAAAAAhY/uPw1gdfrH5A/s1600/Snowmobile-VW-bus-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="262" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Tm3z44O-uDY/URWKdUBI5SI/AAAAAAAAAhY/uPw1gdfrH5A/s320/Snowmobile-VW-bus-2.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Don't be a dumbass and try and use a fancy smancy plow truck.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Kc4tRcMhe6U/URWLt6ki1aI/AAAAAAAAAhs/e_NXME9cMLU/s1600/snow_plow_t460.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="170" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Kc4tRcMhe6U/URWLt6ki1aI/AAAAAAAAAhs/e_NXME9cMLU/s320/snow_plow_t460.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Stay tuned, after we're done playing in the snow. We'll be updating with some storm safety tips.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Namaste my friends</span></div>
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<br />Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-36147842212901193542013-02-03T19:41:00.000-08:002013-02-04T08:23:18.034-08:00All natural skin care<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Are you looking for all natural ways to keep your skin looking </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">beautiful and maybe some natural make ups that can bring out your</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">natural beauty?? Well, wymyn, look no farther than at home. Want</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">younger looking skin?? Just collect your menstrual blood and rub</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">some into the skin. It will also help the skin to feel firmer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Blood has so many life giving properties and helps give your skin</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">it’s beautiful coloring. Another tool in this arsenal can be </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">provided by your significant other. That’s right, semen. It firms</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">the skin beautifully. Now, in order to prevent contamination, it</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">must come directly from the source. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you want rosey cheeks?? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Look at your flower beds! There is a beautiful purple plant, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">called a Wandering Jew, that you can use. Just rub the leaves </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">onto your cheeks for an instant rouge.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Need a natural skin cleanser?? Acquire some maize and create a </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">poultice. You can rub this poultice on the skin and rinse off </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">with diluted urine. Urine can also be a fabulous hair cleanser </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">for those of us who no-poo!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Speaking of hair, did you know you can rub meconium into your </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">tresses for it’s conditioning effects?? For any placenta you </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">don’t cook, you can puree and rub into your hair as a leave in </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">treatment. Shh, I’ve also heard that placenta erases wrinkles,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">but that’s our secret!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If your partner is still intact, you can use his discharge,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">called smegma, as a lip balm. He can collect these secretions</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">for you. If you to plump up your lips, add a few drops of </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">jalapeno juice to the smegma. If you want some color, add berry </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">juice!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you need eyeshadow?? Go no farther than your outside cooking </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">area. Collect the soot and rub on your eyelids as desired! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you need a good exfoliation, look no farther than Poison Ivy!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It does wonders for the skin. It is nature’s chemical peel. I </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">mean, who needs nasty chemicals on your skin when you can have </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">natural juices on it??</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Wymyn, let’s keep this our little secret!! When those chemical-</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">laden women see how beautiful we are, they are bound to be </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">jealous and ask our secret as a way of trying to be like us. We </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">must keep these close to our chest, lest big pharma try to </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">recreate these effects!!</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-53318321519863132872013-01-29T10:44:00.000-08:002013-01-29T10:46:00.952-08:00What is that awful smell??<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VJ3We8vRiNA/UQgXhy3tOMI/AAAAAAAAAhA/AwwvTRAxzh0/s1600/timthumb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="98" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VJ3We8vRiNA/UQgXhy3tOMI/AAAAAAAAAhA/AwwvTRAxzh0/s320/timthumb.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Well as you bitches already know Mama Tao is all about all things nachural and parenting. While chit chatting with one of my awesomesauce crunchtastic mama friends she mentioned doing ACV (apple cider vinegar for those of you creamy posers who read my shit) rinse on her hair and how it left it so ammmmmmmmmmmazing. Shocked that there was a use for ACV that I had already not tried, I knew I had to try this as.soon.as.fucking.possible.</div>
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Seeing as I'm very natural it was a few weeks before I was due for a good scrubbing and today was the day that I tried it. </div>
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So I filled up a recycled glass tumbler of AVC and headed for the showers.....</div>
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then things got interesting</div>
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first the vinegar mixed with the shower steam loosened all of my secretions in my sinuses so I took about 15 or 20 minutes blowing snot rockets around the shower to get all the old junk out of there (calm your tits bitches no precious water was wasted I used recycled rain water for my shower then I use it to water my organic 'erb garden). After the snoz was cleared out I did my usual routine, rebraided my armpit hair etc. Then came time to do the rinse...</div>
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Well she said mix 50:50 water and AVC and put it on after you shampoo, rub it into your scalp wait a few minutes then rinse it all out.</div>
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MEH, OKAY easy enough I though....... BUT I WAS FUCKING WRONG</div>
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As soon as I dumped that cup over my head the ACV STUNG my eye like the venom of A THOUSAND SCORPIONS and I could not see worth shit. So of course I stepped in some left over snot rockets and slipped crashing my naked ass out of the shower...Oh but it gets better..</div>
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Once I could get my snotty, wet naked ass up and back into the shower I tried to rinse that stuff out. And try as I might, THE STANK would not leave me.</div>
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So now Mama Tao smells like a cross between cheap salad dressing and the ladies room at the playboy mansion. THAT'S RIGHT I SMELL LIKE A GIANT WALKING BOTTLE OF MASSENGILL DOUCHE. That's right DOUCHE. So my official stance on ACV rinse is FUCK THAT NOISE, I'M STICKING TO NATURAL PLACENTA SHAMPOO!!!!! </div>
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Therez is nothing natural about douche, don't put it in your yoni don't put it on your hair....... </div>
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<a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWjAPoN8qs0Q&h=EAQGYrAVZ&s=1" rel="nofollow" style="color: #3b5998; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: initial;" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjAPoN8qs0Q</a></div>
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Mama Tao Out</div>
Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-17343843562700608782013-01-18T17:08:00.000-08:002013-01-18T19:18:58.452-08:00Empowring UBA2C<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XeOWf7ltQyo/UPnjawNf6fI/AAAAAAAAAfY/QWliAqf94LU/s1600/yoni+power.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="557" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XeOWf7ltQyo/UPnjawNf6fI/AAAAAAAAAfY/QWliAqf94LU/s640/yoni+power.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">First I would like to thank Mama Tao for giving me a place to tell my story. It is my hope to inspire women to know that their bodies aren't broken and all you have to do is believe for miraculous things to happen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My Name is Mimi RaRa and my story starts almost 4 years ago when I fell pregnant with my first child. It is now hard to look back at that time with any joy knowing what I know now. I chose OB care and hospital delivery. I believe that I was forced into a C-Section. They did everything all the real moms told me they would to scare me. They told me at an ultrasound that my baby was suspected to be over 10lbs. When I didn't go into labor at 41 weeks they said I needed to be induced to ensure the survival of my baby. I didn't know it then but they were clearly trying to schedule my birth around their whims and PLAYING THE DEAD BABY CARD. But I was just a sheeple and I allowed the induction. Well after the cascade of interventions my baby went into distress and they took her by C-Section. At the time I was overjoyed but now all I can look back and feel is frustration and anger. Avalia Louise was born at 11lb 2oz with a 2x nuchal cord. Those horror show physicians made me think they did me a great favor and saved the life of my daughter. But really they are ones that endangered it in the first place.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I found I was pregnant with DD2 at my 6 week check-up. I was happily railroaded into another section because they felt my pregnancies were too close together. My little La Ja'na Tulip was 10lb 6oz. At the time life was blissful, I had my 2 little girls and things just couldn't be better. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now that I was Mom to 2 babies I looked to the internet for some entertainment and socializizing. And that is where I learned about the horror of birthrape that was forced upon myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I started reading and talking with any and everyone I could. I got angrier and angrier. How dare these "doctors" doubt my boby and my baby. We as women are made to do this. Our babies have an innate innteligence they do not grow too large, nor do they come before they are ready. Like the fruit on the vine. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to have a healing natural birth. I had to show myself and the world that a baby could pass from my vagina. I learned through the culture of the group I was entering that a baby passing through my vagina was the only way I was ever going to be a real empowered mother and woman. I didn't really want another child but how else was I going to heal?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I became pregnant quite quickly after my decision. I was so thrilled at the thought of having my natural healing birth. But as all my new friends told me the doctors told me that the safer option was RCS. No matter how many google printoffs I showed them, no matter how many articles on Ina May I gave them they wouldn't budge. I could not fail again. So I left OB care and decided to UC my baby at home. My vagina was going to open and a baby was going to come out of it. It is what my body was made to do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The rest of my pregnancy was easy breezy. Late one night I started to feel low slow rushes and I knew the time was near. I swayed to the song of my cervix until the rushes were becoming hard to stand through. So I grabbed my camera and got into the tub. The moment was almost here! I was going to get my stingray. No more tiny vagina for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There's my tub full of my home flora and fauna and germs. No more taking risks getting something awful from a supposedly sterile hospital.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The rushes were getting almost unbearable. But finally my water broke! The time for my vagina to come into empowerment was here. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: 11.199999809265137px; line-height: 16px; white-space: pre-wrap;">I started to feel the urge to push. So I pushed will all my might. And well sometimes shit happens. But it was natural so I just pushed on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was a grueling 6 hours of pushing, but I just knew that with every push my stingray was that much closer. Then I could be a new real woman. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Stingray born into water. I named her Love Empowerment. All natural. Oh there was a baby there too another girl I called her Savia Vagania because she saved my life and gave me the vagina I always wanted. This time life was indeed beatiful. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now I have one AH-MAZING Stingray for a vagina, one beautiful perfect little girl who gave her mother the best gift of all, a NUCBA2C, two other kids too. I am so grateful to have been able to prove those doctors wrong and push a baby out of me. Nothing can top that feeling. </span></div>
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Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-2666797532393377052013-01-13T17:22:00.003-08:002013-01-14T13:58:31.081-08:00Screw the Flu<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">Pffft, come on now ladies!! Too many Big Pharma shills trying to make you sick with things like "flu shots" since if they make you sick you'll see the doctor more often and then they will get more kickbacks from Big Pharma for all the RX drugs they give you. Don't be duped.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">The Flu is just Dark matter and the Flu vaccine is a joke.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So don't be a sucker, avoid toxic vaccines. </span><br />
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<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Drink some Placenta infused whiskey tinicture</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">use Kale leaves to wipe the babies nose then Mama should eat them so she can produce antibodies in her milk for the baby. This also works for anyone else in the family you want to feed your breast milk</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DON'T FORGET THE ONIONS</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-43825107435020493882013-01-10T16:51:00.001-08:002013-01-10T16:52:28.373-08:00Good Birth attendant Tips<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1FY31H27qjI/UO9fbNmFClI/AAAAAAAAAdw/ODJ9XR5u0ZQ/s1600/black-and-white-colourful-dreadlocks-eyes-girl-Favim.com-258706.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1FY31H27qjI/UO9fbNmFClI/AAAAAAAAAdw/ODJ9XR5u0ZQ/s320/black-and-white-colourful-dreadlocks-eyes-girl-Favim.com-258706.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What happens when the only things bright and vibrant about your birthing Mama are her hair, makeup and birth accessories? What happens when her skin is ashen gray and she's no longer responsive? Quite often what is happening is that Mama is experience a Postpartum Hemorrhage (abbreviated as <a href="http://www.pphprevention.org/pph.php">PPH</a>) </span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EooMIDkYkUo/UO9feK7VH2I/AAAAAAAAAd4/WFw35Lc9E1Y/s1600/candy+for+PPH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EooMIDkYkUo/UO9feK7VH2I/AAAAAAAAAd4/WFw35Lc9E1Y/s400/candy+for+PPH.jpg" width="390" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> You often her medwives and OBs blabbering on about Active management of the third stage of labor (Abbreviated <a href="http://www.pphprevention.org/amtsl.php">AMTSL</a>) but any good holistic midwife knows that the need for traction and <a href="http://www.pphprevention.org/udd.php">uterotonic drugs</a> is a load of fearmongering and hogwash.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> All you need is to cut off a chunk of the placenta if it has expelled or if not cinnamon hard candies work in a pinch. Make sure that you're using real cinnamon candies not some artificial sugar free GMO HFCS garbage. <br />Happy Clotting ladies</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">XOXOX<br />Harmony</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-7275770944421564152013-01-09T13:08:00.003-08:002013-01-09T13:08:58.947-08:00Welcome to The Mama Tao Team.... Harmony<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Harmony River-Rain Revolution</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We'd like to give a Big Mama Tao style welcome to Harmony River-Rain Revolution, our newest member of the team. Harmony is a seasoned Midwife with more than 20 births under her belt. She is an amazing photographer and will be using her skills to capture birth photos for the blog. Harmony will be acting as chief editor here at themamatao.com. Her duties will enclude both the literary editing and visual editing. <br />Hoping that she likes us and feels a warm and cozy welcoming from the readers, as well as, the rest of the team.</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-67478394246178948802013-01-06T15:05:00.000-08:002013-01-06T16:39:26.046-08:00Dear Mama Tao<b><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dear Mama Tao,</span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>I need a birth-related project for the lint I collect from my dryer vent. Any suggestions?<br />The lint is gray.</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>signed,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>A disenfranchised Gen X slacker</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i>Dear slacker,</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i>dryer lint has many birth uses. You can weave a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p2cd2P63Q4">reboz</a> to use to help during labor with stuck bebehs. You can use it to stuff you <a href="http://themamatao.blogspot.com/2012/12/wake-up-and-smell-your-baby-mamas.html">hand knit tampons</a> uppin there absorbing powers. Or just use it to seal up a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectovaginal_fistula">rectovaginal fistula</a></i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mama Tao</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Dear Mama Tao,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>I am pregnant but I can't be sure when I conceived. I don't chart. How can I find out when I don't want to get one of those dangerous sonograms</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>signed,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>knocked up in MI</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dear knocked up,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">babies come when they are ready who cares when you conceived. love, <br />Mama Tao</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Dear Mama Tao,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Do Garlic and yogurt have any other uses besides, well you know....in the chacha, the way nature intended. Because Mah neighbor said something about tzatziki, it's like this Greek thang? I just can't imagine using that stuff, for, like, food. Do people actually EAT those there thangs? </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>signed,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Ooohmpah</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dear Ooohmpah,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">anything you can put in your yoni you can put in your mouth. Ooooom nom nom and it will also help keep yer guts healthy and teh yeasts out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">love, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mama Tao</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Dear Mama Tao,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>I had my baby 10 months ago and I still have not stopped bleeding. I had a fourth degree tear but my midwife just told me to keep my legs closed. I have not opened them in almost a year. Why can't I heal like Nature intended?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>signed,</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Horny in Appalachia</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dear Horny,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Pfffft trust yer sacred yoni and get some dryer lint. And FFS keep yer damn legs closed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Love, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mama Tao</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Dear Mama Tao,</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>why does my son have tongue-tie and eczema? Oh and asthma? What did I do while preggo with him to cause all these problems? I know it must be my fault! And if not, then it certainly is my doctor's! Who's to blame?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>And before you respond, you should know I don't put much stock in scientific studies. I've tried coconut oil, GSE, GV, and donor milk and nothing has helped! Who should be held responsible?</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><b>signed, </b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 17.999998092651367px;"><b>Shittay moma</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">Dear Shittay,</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 17.999998092651367px;">first use google to find </span></span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://www.whale.to/a/ritual_mutilation.html">Robert S. Mendelsohn, M.D.</a> and if you're not too poor you should buy his <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Robert-S.-Mendelsohn/e/B000AQ4UOG">books</a> too. BUT MEh who needs books when you have teh google research? I don't believe scientifc studies and neither does Mendelsohn prefer the Emperical evidence to science mularkey. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Well........ as far as blame. your doctor is to blame for being brainwashed and giving you terrible assvice like getting vaccines but you are to blame for being uneducated enough to listen to him. google is your friend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Love,<br />Mama Tao</span><br />
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Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-5531934331748301192013-01-05T18:30:00.001-08:002013-01-06T16:41:43.504-08:00Whatz behind dose curtains<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://sparklepetal.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/rainbow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="143" src="http://sparklepetal.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/rainbow.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So Mama Tao had a yeast infection as women sometimes do. Teh yogurts and the probiotics just weren't cutting it so I turned to some of my crunch friends to look for a solution to the Yeasty Beasty. One of my friends gave me a a nachural remedy. It looked so easy and fool poof. So I gave it a shot.</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xS4jOXxYlug/UOjR9RbaYOI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/lWvGErwS7Wc/s1600/Mama+Tao+Yeast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="102" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xS4jOXxYlug/UOjR9RbaYOI/AAAAAAAAAbQ/lWvGErwS7Wc/s400/Mama+Tao+Yeast.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Well......Turn out my girl who gave me this assvice forgots to mention that she enjoys a Brazilian bare bikini area. Mama Tao is a full bush kinda gal and you can imagine my absolutes HORROR when my pubes also caught a fire. So there was I was in the bathroom with cheese cloth dangling from sacred yoni and my bush engulfed in flames. I put out teh firez but I had singed off my entire womanly bush!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I felt shameful like a small girl and I am WIMBIN DAMNIT all. So I went on a quest to make myself a <a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/merkin">Merkin</a> so I could be less ashamed and also Papa Tao ain't into youngins he likes a mature full bush on his lady. Oh and what a wild and crazy ride it waz ::SMH::</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-94nv6FWGmik/UOi9w_wzyAI/AAAAAAAAAaY/uz6jbc6Uv24/s1600/DSC02917.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-94nv6FWGmik/UOi9w_wzyAI/AAAAAAAAAaY/uz6jbc6Uv24/s400/DSC02917.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The first hair I ordered was far to long and thin to make a presentable bush.</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--ze12CxC1ks/UOi9rpCW0CI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/ex_Gf3BbENY/s1600/DSC02916.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--ze12CxC1ks/UOi9rpCW0CI/AAAAAAAAAaQ/ex_Gf3BbENY/s400/DSC02916.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The next one was too straight and too coarse. Real humanz hairs I think tehy lieded. </span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-awmNFpfNqnU/UOi9-M6vdjI/AAAAAAAAAag/cVfI731lq4w/s1600/DSC02915.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-awmNFpfNqnU/UOi9-M6vdjI/AAAAAAAAAag/cVfI731lq4w/s400/DSC02915.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> I was like hmmmm, maybes I try some carded wool??</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XoD4Ndwwxtg/UOi9-PRq8lI/AAAAAAAAAak/CnXUCi4T67A/s1600/DSC02918.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XoD4Ndwwxtg/UOi9-PRq8lI/AAAAAAAAAak/CnXUCi4T67A/s400/DSC02918.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Teh dyeing kept coming so uneven and ERMAHGAWD it was so hot and Itchier than sand fleas on my hoo.</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ERqr8kyMag/UOi-FCVsBkI/AAAAAAAAAaw/aQSC3jnFlBo/s1600/DSC02919.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ERqr8kyMag/UOi-FCVsBkI/AAAAAAAAAaw/aQSC3jnFlBo/s400/DSC02919.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Then I found it. It was PUUUUURFECT. I found a place in Canada where I could mail order realz Huuuman pubic hairs and since it's so damn frost up there they are nice and long, thick, soft and curly the way Papa Tao and I lieky them to bees.</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jliYJMqoioE/UOi-FYma3ZI/AAAAAAAAAa0/MdF3uWcn0G4/s1600/DSC02920.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jliYJMqoioE/UOi-FYma3ZI/AAAAAAAAAa0/MdF3uWcn0G4/s400/DSC02920.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> It 'twas magnficant or so I thought. I even was able to get the dreadz just right, the glitter around mah coin slot. I finally felt like I could breathe a loooooooooooooooong sigh of relief. BUT I waz</span> <span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">oh so wrong bout that one. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As it so happens Canadianes don't scrren their pube donors AND don't disinfect the hairz they sell to people. I contracted teh flesh eatting bacterias on my Yoni from this merkin above just like that poor <a href="http://oregonmidwifeinfo.com/midwife-neglects-to-wear-gloves-mother-contracts-flesh-eating-bacteria-in-her-vagina/">wymin in Oregon</a>. But mines waz not from a killah who doesn't wash her hands but from Canadien pubes. I became very very sick with flu like symptoms and Papa Tao called the Witch Doctor, he could not heal me so they called the the Shaman. The Shaman could not heal me either so they called a Medicine Wooooooman, but she could not help either and I was very very unwell. Papa Tao decided enough was enough and took me to see BigPharma's shill Drs at the local hospital. I was admitted to ICU and put into a medically induced coma (or so they say, not so sures on dat being teh truf) and I had to have many many surgeries to removes the necrotix tissues from my mons pubis. I will never be ables to grow a bush again, I haz no more hair folicles and lotza nasty scars to remind me of how they pube raped me in surgery.</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ayTp16o7KHQ/UOi-FoN2aXI/AAAAAAAAAa4/Pqt1LJuO1GU/s1600/DSC02921.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ayTp16o7KHQ/UOi-FoN2aXI/AAAAAAAAAa4/Pqt1LJuO1GU/s400/DSC02921.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">Well, being Mama Tao and knowing nothing is going to hold me down and stop me from spreading all my great knowledge of teh Nachural and crunchy in pregnancy, birth, and parenting. I decided to start my own SAFE Make'yer own merkin kits for Mamas who are pubic folically challenged like mah self. If I raise enough moneys I want to donate these to some support groups, like Mamas with Alopecia and burn victims etc etc etc.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">I use only teh absolutes finest nice Tibetan Lamb fur pelts harvested from Lambs who have lived free range and died a nachural death. No animals were cruel to here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">And with this Kit I'll even include some stencilz for ways you can have fun and make it a designer bush. Here are some fun and creative crunchy idears!</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zUb2tdxiCXE/UOjerdyy-9I/AAAAAAAAAb0/PHqm8jhE4HU/s1600/DSC02925.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zUb2tdxiCXE/UOjerdyy-9I/AAAAAAAAAb0/PHqm8jhE4HU/s400/DSC02925.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A Mustache!~ for all you Hipsters out there</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-REN8_qeBT3w/UOjersXQsFI/AAAAAAAAAb4/71kKOatvNmw/s1600/DSC02926.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-REN8_qeBT3w/UOjersXQsFI/AAAAAAAAAb4/71kKOatvNmw/s400/DSC02926.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A beutiful pregnant mama's bust~ great way to tell your man he's gonna be a Pappa</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vO7QMEAzjcs/UOjesf1obzI/AAAAAAAAAcM/781JVZfply4/s1600/DSC02928.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vO7QMEAzjcs/UOjesf1obzI/AAAAAAAAAcM/781JVZfply4/s400/DSC02928.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A Tree of life~ all life begins in your Yoni!</span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lquNFxKOHOA/UOjesHpBruI/AAAAAAAAAcI/sJ7XKFnBmtc/s1600/DSC02927.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lquNFxKOHOA/UOjesHpBruI/AAAAAAAAAcI/sJ7XKFnBmtc/s400/DSC02927.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A Magik Unicorn</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You canz evern make her horn haz glitters</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A traditional bush shape for those who don't like to go to wild</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wnfHjBv0WF4/UOjeqqTkU8I/AAAAAAAAAbk/cmqjh9iT4Ss/s1600/DSC02923.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wnfHjBv0WF4/UOjeqqTkU8I/AAAAAAAAAbk/cmqjh9iT4Ss/s400/DSC02923.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">RAWR RAWR...IT'S A FUCKING DINOSAUR. RAPTORS!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">all these were cut from one pelt with room to make even more fun fantasy shapes! They are washable and reusable and free from Streptoccocus </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Moral of teh stories some bushing shouldn't burn EVAR</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-6643290754033774442013-01-05T12:31:00.000-08:002013-01-05T12:31:42.474-08:00Who We Are--The Wonderful Staff of Mama Tao--Part II<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z3Uaik6zxDI/TakA7W1dL_I/AAAAAAAAAL4/8GORP4Kxrfc/s1600/Ulrica.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-z3Uaik6zxDI/TakA7W1dL_I/AAAAAAAAAL4/8GORP4Kxrfc/s320/Ulrica.jpg" width="284" /></a></div>
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<span data-jsid="text"><span data-jsid="text"><strong>Ulrike Woodandfelt</strong></span></span><br />
<span data-jsid="text"><strong><span data-jsid="text">Ulrike Woodandfelt is a very talented</span><span data-jsid="text"> ND, CPM, Holistic Minister who lived in Stockholm, Germany with her genatilly intact husband and her three virgin daughters. She love the study of Ultrasound and its dangeroud effects on the brains of babies and Mothers.</span></strong></span><br />
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<strong>Goldenwolf Mooncloud</strong><br />
<strong>Goldenwolf Mooncloud, age 30, is the mother to seven: Quicksilver Bean (10), Jupiter Odin (9), Jane (7), Stormy Rainbow (6), Resplendent Quetzal (4), and twins Mushroom and Seagull (2). She and her life partner Mustang hope for an eighth baby soon! Her favorite parts of motherhood are baby/toddler/tweenwearing and super-extended nursing. Goldenwolf also loves being a healer – she is trained as a homeopath, an aromatherapist, a yoni massage therapist, a knitting therapist and a tarot reader. She hopes to soon learn about mud therapy and drum therapy from Mustang’s dear mother, Oaktree, an expert in both healing modalities.</strong><br />
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Mother X<br />
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Lactivism Lizzie</div>
Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-91776229508706337412013-01-02T23:30:00.000-08:002013-01-06T16:43:50.709-08:00Nachural cosmetics!<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">finally something natchuural to make you Mama's look your best for yourselves (only a slave to the man would care what anyone else thinks) Here is a new line coming to a Natural Market Place near you soon by apothacary guru **Luna Marie Drain**</span><br />
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vernix facial moisturizer</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">meconium hair gel</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">amniotic fluid mouth wash and parefume</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Baby's first pee facial toner</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Breastmilk after bath splash</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> Amniotic fluid douche. Keep your yoni baby fresh!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Meconium mascara </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">cord blood blush</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Lochia under eye moisturizer</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Placenta hair conditioner</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">sperm facial mask</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">and as a free gift when you buy the set a limited edition Placenta cosmetic bag-all the </span><br />
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products come inside and the handle is the umbilical cord.</span><br />
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I can't wait to get my paws on this to review it for all my readers!</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-33494972349105344012013-01-01T18:26:00.000-08:002013-01-06T16:48:29.405-08:00Last minute gift ideaz<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">I saw some <a href="http://guggiedaly.blogspot.com/2012/12/midwifery-play-kits.html">other bloggers making midwifery bags for their spawn </a>and I was appalled at how lame those were and how much was lacking from them. come on now, letz get real for a moment and teach 'EM what being a DEM is really all about. SO I MADE some of my own and you can too!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; text-align: start;">Here is a layout of the entire kit and caboodle that I threw together</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OvrZcn3eoes/UOOOYi1lYuI/AAAAAAAAAY0/txP-rz7RYHE/s1600/DSC02898.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OvrZcn3eoes/UOOOYi1lYuI/AAAAAAAAAY0/txP-rz7RYHE/s320/DSC02898.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ A *WINNER* sticker since everyone one who has a HBAC is a winner unlike those losers who birth with OBs, MFM, or CNM in hospitals</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ Some Iodine so you can pretend you give a shit a bout infection controling</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ Some suture....ahaha poor sucker not like you'll ever use this and you can just tell Moma to keep her legs closer for 6 weeks since nachural healing is better than stitcheded</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~A suture removal kit since yeah you'll fuck up her cooter even worse f you actually try to sew her up and need to remove that shit</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VYjTX0rr85g/UOOOZhvmlTI/AAAAAAAAAY8/7A_PnfrGJnE/s1600/DSC02899.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VYjTX0rr85g/UOOOZhvmlTI/AAAAAAAAAY8/7A_PnfrGJnE/s320/DSC02899.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> ~Some hand knitted floating pooopies</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~A net so you can catch those floaters and sift them out of the kiddie pool that Moma is birfing in so she doesn't realize how damn fithy that water really is</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ A bag of expired meds that you have no idea how to use. Hope the 9-1-1 operator can help you when moma has a PPH</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~A bottle of EVERCLEAR Grain Alcohol (for you to drink and Moma) 190 PROOF make REALLY REALLY REALLY sure Mum fogetz how fucking horrible it and you were</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xBG0eV6SY1M/UOOOaKqXFTI/AAAAAAAAAZE/m-3DSTjEsxA/s1600/DSC02900.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xBG0eV6SY1M/UOOOaKqXFTI/AAAAAAAAAZE/m-3DSTjEsxA/s320/DSC02900.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> ~A doobie to set the mood of the room</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~A play stethoscope...let's be real here a DEM doesn't know WTF to do with a real one so a pretend one is way cheaper to buy</span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J4DhnyVcWeo/UOOObILvUtI/AAAAAAAAAZM/SfoDs7gwSbQ/s1600/DSC02901.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J4DhnyVcWeo/UOOObILvUtI/AAAAAAAAAZM/SfoDs7gwSbQ/s320/DSC02901.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> ~Some ACV since well I put that shit on everything</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ Fake blood concentrate. To add to the realizm in teh brif pool</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~A flashlight for looking up Moma's Yoni</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cf-mlJjYYs4/UOOObrouxII/AAAAAAAAAZU/AhWvshI2lvE/s1600/DSC02902.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cf-mlJjYYs4/UOOObrouxII/AAAAAAAAAZU/AhWvshI2lvE/s320/DSC02902.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> ~Blueberry infused Coffee and some industrial tubing. Don't forget about the Coffee Enema</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ A Patchouli scented candle to cover the smell of ganja, poop, vomit and teh odder birf smellz</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">~ Don't forget something to knit so you can look busy while you tell Moma "TRUST BIRTH" and sit on your ass</span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RO8wykvG7zM/UOOOcUaoNzI/AAAAAAAAAZc/3nrB_PmV5Yo/s1600/DSC02903.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RO8wykvG7zM/UOOOcUaoNzI/AAAAAAAAAZc/3nrB_PmV5Yo/s320/DSC02903.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-spKHRIy0oY0/UOOOdOIM-wI/AAAAAAAAAZk/ezCsm3_0MBs/s1600/DSC02904.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-spKHRIy0oY0/UOOOdOIM-wI/AAAAAAAAAZk/ezCsm3_0MBs/s320/DSC02904.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"> A beautiful organic hemp bag with *MIDWITCH* emblazed across it so evrybody knows zactly what you do</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M3GpGtcjjDY/UOOOdylvJbI/AAAAAAAAAZs/S8xE3YA_Mdk/s1600/DSC02905.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-M3GpGtcjjDY/UOOOdylvJbI/AAAAAAAAAZs/S8xE3YA_Mdk/s320/DSC02905.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">ANNNNNNNNNNND Some potassium chloride to kill the bitch with no trace so you can make an escape if something goes wrongs....pfffft who pays for malpracticing insurance</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Oh and ALWAYZ take homebirth pictures in black and white....NObodyz needs to see how nasty that shit it</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-48552885729892759262012-12-31T18:03:00.001-08:002012-12-31T18:03:14.757-08:00Don't fear the new<b><u>The TRUTH will SET you free from the chains of being a mainstream Mama</u></b><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JnriXEGFibE/UOJDBtLyZ2I/AAAAAAAAAYU/L7ydTPQBjzA/s1600/BurnedBridges.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JnriXEGFibE/UOJDBtLyZ2I/AAAAAAAAAYU/L7ydTPQBjzA/s320/BurnedBridges.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
As the sun sets on 2012 Mama Tao just wanted to give y'all some teasers for thingz to come in 2013<br />
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<b>Recipes</b> LOTZ and LOTZ of Recipes some for eating and some for not. I have been cookin' up some fabu Allllllll Nachhhhhhural health and beauty AIDS and ahhhmahhhhzing homeopathic remidiez for all that ailes you.<br />
<b>Interviews</b> with some of the parenting and birth greats<br />
<b>Practical craftz </b>what to do with thoz leftovers of this and that<br />
<b>BIRF Stories</b> LOTZ of fresh new AHHHHMazing birf stories<br />
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Glitterlovebabydust<br />Mama Tao OUT for 2012Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-86229348944762827372012-12-30T15:00:00.000-08:002013-01-06T16:50:07.249-08:00WAKE UP AND SMELL YOUR BABY MAMAS<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I has some angryz right now. I thought Lacitivist were supposed to be enlightened to all the nachural wayz?? "They are!" you say.... Well then WHY TEH FUK are they doing this?</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1-Cz1Lvkiz0/UN-y88NkYxI/AAAAAAAAAWk/tey-kU5R77E/s1600/boob+hat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1-Cz1Lvkiz0/UN-y88NkYxI/AAAAAAAAAWk/tey-kU5R77E/s320/boob+hat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;"><i>Why are you so outspoken about the topic of hats on newborns?</i></span><br />
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;">My first concern is safety, my second is experience....and as it turns out the experience of birth is what triggers the built in safety mechanisms. This is also true for third stage. Mom being able to smell her newborn’s head is the design for the REconnection of mother and baby (smell of baby to olfactory system to limbic system = in</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;">itiation of “identification” biology) AND release of oxytocin signaling the uterus to release placenta and stop bleeding so necessary for mother’s health. In addition to hats interfering with bonding and safety of third stage, hatting restricts the UNmoulding of the baby’s skull. The hats we use in the U.S. do NOTHING for maintenance of core temp according to the studies I have found, and in fact one study showed that a hat was detrimental to maintenance of core temp. Brain cooling may actually be good for all babies and not those who have potential brain damage. And studies show that nakey, skin to skin with mom is most effective way to stabilize core temperature and that, in fact, her body will heat and cool as needed for baby’s sake as it did when baby was inside. Brilliant! We cannot improve on this design. Why do we keep trying? We are so peer dependent. One midwife does it, one birth supply house sells them and we are off to the races. We have to do what everyone else does. My challenge is that we do NOTHING unless we know why or why not, even if every other midwife we know is doing it. I never have and would NEVER put a hat on a newborn and I am hoping that in my lifetime, I can have some effect on other people doing the research and ditching the hats." <a href="https://www.facebook.com/carla.hartley/posts/182425128570213">-Carla Hartley</a></span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There is nothing nachural about hatting your babe EVAR. Still not nachural even if you make it look like a perfect pre-baby making days boobie. You are messing up the mama infant bond with hats. So damnit mamas <a href="http://www.normalfed.com/Starting/hat.html">Off with Their Hats!</a></span><br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;">"Please do the research...Stop hatting newborns....you are screwing up bonding...the olfactory system takes those lovely pheromones coming right out the top of the baby's head straight to its mamma's deep limbic system where it is WAITING for her baby's smell....not some other smell....HER baby's smell. Hats do not keep baby warmer and indeed unless you are birthing naked on the tundra the best wa</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12.800000190734863px; line-height: 18px;">y to keep baby warm anyway is old fashioned skin to skin....put NOTHING between mamma and baby. And while I am preaching.....consider the fact that the hat impedes the UNmoulding of the head. Baby hats are NOT natural. When I see home birth midwives —who should know better— putting hats on babies in all these youtube videos I want to scream. You are messing with something way above your paygrade. Mammas are supposed to have access to all that there baby has to offer...and vice versa."<a href="https://www.facebook.com/carla.hartley/posts/4617874239351">-Carla Hartley</a></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Put down the damn knitting needles. Or better yet here is a list of TEN (10) useful things you busybodiez could make instead. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /><b>1. Felted breast pads.</b> So Mama can catch every last drop of teh liquid Gold and wring it out into bebes mouth. Never waste a SINGLE DROP</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VsHi1r2IIhM/UOCpc5do-EI/AAAAAAAAAXc/p26jEoTDDnY/s1600/breast+pad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VsHi1r2IIhM/UOCpc5do-EI/AAAAAAAAAXc/p26jEoTDDnY/s320/breast+pad.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
<b>2. Squid Menstrual cup cozy. </b>Now your diva cup will always be snuggly and easy to find and any extra blood will just look like squid ink<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2aOiVoeQjc0/UOCpdLFOzYI/AAAAAAAAAXk/mK8xXw2MJDU/s1600/diva+cup+cozy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2aOiVoeQjc0/UOCpdLFOzYI/AAAAAAAAAXk/mK8xXw2MJDU/s320/diva+cup+cozy.jpg" width="257" /></a></div>
<b>3. tampons </b>easy peasy and a quick knit so you can easily make your mama friend and entire bouquet of them using up your scrap yarnz<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aXIu7M7-GEI/UOCpdjEGYlI/AAAAAAAAAXs/wv8Y3FS0408/s1600/knit+tampons.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aXIu7M7-GEI/UOCpdjEGYlI/AAAAAAAAAXs/wv8Y3FS0408/s320/knit+tampons.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<b>4. Mama Cloth</b> For catching the lochia since nothing goes in the VAAAAAAAAAAGINA for 6+ weeks after that ahhhhhhhhhhh-mazing HBAMC. Keeps those knees closed.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k7WQFjVkekg/UOCpeAn-fPI/AAAAAAAAAX0/6MRHRgE9ugs/s1600/mama+cloth.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="306" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-k7WQFjVkekg/UOCpeAn-fPI/AAAAAAAAAX0/6MRHRgE9ugs/s320/mama+cloth.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>5. </b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, 'Lucida Sans Unicode', 'Lucida Grande', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Cthulhu Cocksock </b>needz no 'splainin obviously</span><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MEniPKe6EAo/UN-y_gZ5NbI/AAAAAAAAAXM/6oWJxQfeQn8/s1600/weiner+warmer+Cthulhu.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MEniPKe6EAo/UN-y_gZ5NbI/AAAAAAAAAXM/6oWJxQfeQn8/s320/weiner+warmer+Cthulhu.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<b>6. Anatomically Correct Childbirth Education Doll </b>This is a great sibling gift for LOs who's Mama will be having a Homebirth soon. Great for preparing them for when Mama is having teh bebe</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7tb1NL-0WMA/UN-y9YFCseI/AAAAAAAAAWs/RLNvRsAw6eE/s1600/child+birth+doll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7tb1NL-0WMA/UN-y9YFCseI/AAAAAAAAAWs/RLNvRsAw6eE/s320/child+birth+doll.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>7. knit turds</b> These go great with the Childbirth dolly so that kidlets are not alarmed by all the giant turds that will be floating 'round the birthing tub. You can even buy them fishing nets and make catching mamas poops a game for them.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WiG2tevyVTo/UN-y93KKrEI/AAAAAAAAAW0/_YALdxXknRc/s1600/knit+turd.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WiG2tevyVTo/UN-y93KKrEI/AAAAAAAAAW0/_YALdxXknRc/s320/knit+turd.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>8. A VA-VA-Vulva </b>Great for using as a focal point during labor surges. Mama can vissulize her cooter growing to a massive size as she shoots her 11+lb bebe down through the love canal<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_xJGx15a6ck/UN-y-e2BgoI/AAAAAAAAAW8/N58otvZzquY/s1600/knit+vulva.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_xJGx15a6ck/UN-y-e2BgoI/AAAAAAAAAW8/N58otvZzquY/s320/knit+vulva.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
<b>9. Seamless Pecker warming bag </b>Keep Daddy modest and you from having to see turtle dick when he hops out of the birth tub to refill your raspberry leaf tea.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5VUbM2IQ4Ek/UN-y-5LGj3I/AAAAAAAAAXE/SGQeQKM9E34/s1600/seamless+weiner+warmer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5VUbM2IQ4Ek/UN-y-5LGj3I/AAAAAAAAAXE/SGQeQKM9E34/s320/seamless+weiner+warmer.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>10. A Headband for Mama </b>Mama can use this to keep her dreadlokz out of the tub during labor and out of her face when bonding with her new bebe so nothin is in the way of their faces</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">click these to get the patterns shown above</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/felted-nursing---breast-pads"><b>Tittie blankets</b></a></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/skylla"><b>Squid </b></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.lovelyish.com/710245462/how-to-knit-your-own-tampons/"><b>roll yourr own tampooooons</b></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/menstrual-pads-by-paapindendk"><b>Lochia ragz</b></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/cthulhu-cocksock"><b>cthulhu cocksock</b></a><br />
<b><a href="http://www.etsy.com/listing/57875491/childbirth-education-doll-pattern">Doll with wild 1970s bush</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/fake-dog-poo-pattern">Catch and Release</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/knitted-vulva">life like snatch</a></b><br />
<b><a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/seamless-willie-warmer">weiner mitten</a></b><br />
<a href="http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/blue-leaf-headband"><b>Dredz Holder</b></a></div>
Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-79080824036847328162012-12-15T14:33:00.001-08:002012-12-15T14:33:27.501-08:00Remember them always<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b>Victims of the shootings in Sandy Hook, CT December 14th 2012</b></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4Mav8wv7wQw/UMzytC8lyuI/AAAAAAAAAWU/SDx4qFXu3F8/s1600/Crying.Unicorn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="290" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4Mav8wv7wQw/UMzytC8lyuI/AAAAAAAAAWU/SDx4qFXu3F8/s320/Crying.Unicorn.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;">Dawn Hochsprung</span>, 47</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/14/justice/connecticut-school-shooting-psychologist/index.html" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 18.984848022460938px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: initial; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">Mary Sherlach</span></a>, 56</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 18.984848022460938px;">Vicki Soto, 27</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 18.984848022460938px;">Lauren Rousseau, 30</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: arial; font-size: 13.63636302947998px; line-height: 18.984848022460938px;">Nancy Lanza, 54</span><br />
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Charlotte Bacon, 6</div>
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Daniel Barden, 7</div>
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Rachel Davino, 29</div>
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Olivia Engel, 6</div>
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Josephine Gay, 7</div>
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Ana Marquez-Greene, 6</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 19px; padding: 0px;">
Dylan Hockley, 6</div>
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Madeline Hsu, 6</div>
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Catherine Hubbard, 6</div>
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Chase Kowalski, 7</div>
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Jesse Lewis, 6</div>
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James Mattioli, 6</div>
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Grace McDonnell, 7</div>
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Anne Marie Murphy, 52</div>
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Emilie Parker, 6</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; margin-bottom: 19px; padding: 0px;">
Jack Pinto, 6</div>
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Noah Pozner, 6</div>
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Caroline Previdi, 6</div>
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Jessica Rekos, 6</div>
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Avielle Richman, 6</div>
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Benjamin Wheeler, 6</div>
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Allison Wyatt, 6</div>
Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-20937839672650192932011-06-03T21:08:00.000-07:002011-06-05T20:21:38.388-07:00To My Dear Readers--Mama Tao Says Goodbye<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vMkt53dAuI4/TemufS7vFLI/AAAAAAAAATY/jTglqql8Czc/s1600/sad-cat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vMkt53dAuI4/TemufS7vFLI/AAAAAAAAATY/jTglqql8Czc/s400/sad-cat.jpg" t8="true" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Miss Gyna Cockring-Cokehead done reported me to Uncle Google for using her picture (that I did remove at her request. It just took me a day or two because she replied on her blog to my comment and I never went back to check it)<br />
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As you can see the blog is still here and Google has yet to contact me. WHY do I know that it was reported? Well, Miss Gyna sent me an e-mail letting me know that she did it. Is THAT nice? She can't just be a tattle tale, she also has to brag about it. As of this moment, while I sit in my cozy chair, I am counting no less than two times a picture has been used of Moi. Once by the Venting Time Girl, Once by the Feminist Brooder, which I told her she could have ;). I have no issues with people using my pics. Take them. Whateva!<br />
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If I minded I might be compelled to get off my lazy ass and put some sort of protection on my pictures. Seeing as I have not and don't plan on stopping people, added to the fact that I do place them in a public forum, I seriously can't get too twitterpated now can I? <br />
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Well Gyna Crackrock-Cokepipe I are very different. While we have lots of hot dogs in common, (Like assholes, lips and intestines) I try to take the gremlin route in all things I do. Thus I was finally compelled to own my own domain name. <br />
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While blogger has yet to sentence me-- or even contact me on the issue, I want a place where I can be me and if your ass has a problem you need to have a lawyer. No more Big Brother Google making me fear losing all my work because some has been twat thinks she's so fecking special.<br />
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With all this in mind I happily announce the soon to be <a href="http://www.themamatao.com/">http://www.themamatao.com/</a>! Yup, she's all mine. We are working on moving everything over and are really trying to save all the comments. Sometime soon you will come here and be redirected to a land that is my own making, where I can troll and wreak havoc in relative peace and quite. Thank the Goddess for paying money for FREEDOM. <br />
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Gyna Cockring-Cokewhore (or head? Was it head?) thank you for giving me the inspiration to run my OWN life. TO take my parody into my OWN hands! I will not let the man get their hands on my BODY (of work). It's MINE damn it, and I will take it! <br />
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To the Tao Cave, Goddesses! We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day! *<br />
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Or something like that....<br />
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*Quote from Independence Day...you knew you knew it from somewhere :DJade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-66915033620338471242011-06-02T21:48:00.000-07:002011-06-03T14:58:36.638-07:00CAT FIGHT<span style="font-size: large;">EDITED TO ADD: Taking a screen cap also means the pic in question belongs to you as you were simply taking a pic of what was on your screen. I recomend that everyone use a screen cap for they editing funs!</span><br />
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AS it turns out the Gina Brooder does know I exist! I am so happy, friends. In this post she made to me she does get something right. I was using her picture without permission. <br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rPRp4MEoNPA/TehlZsFQwaI/AAAAAAAAASw/-8EpnIdo_Rw/s1600/biggest.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="402" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rPRp4MEoNPA/TehlZsFQwaI/AAAAAAAAASw/-8EpnIdo_Rw/s640/biggest.png" t8="true" width="640" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Gina thinks she knows an awful lot about the law. I know a lot about the law too. The law states that screen capping of an image has been found to be fair use and the picture in question belongs to ME! The NOT fucking Hyphenated Husband over here, also known as Papa TAO had a grand old time making this little gem.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XFKOreBcI5M/TehltZ65iwI/AAAAAAAAAS0/GFyBTxoeTx0/s1600/Ebil.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="402" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XFKOreBcI5M/TehltZ65iwI/AAAAAAAAAS0/GFyBTxoeTx0/s640/Ebil.png" t8="true" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a screen cap that is covered by the Fair Use policy</td></tr>
</tbody></table>And I, the great Mama Tao invite YOU to do the SAME! Well , not the same. Do your own thing. I think this needs a contest! Whoever makes the most LOVELY Gina pictue wins! What do you win? Um...How about anything off the internet (legal and includes shipping ) that you fucking want?!(Under $20) What a fun game ! Yay!!! <br />
Just make sure you alter at least 10% of the image and a screen cap to qualify)<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Let's Play, Bitch :D</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Shhhhh, an IP address only gives you the name of my server, not me. It's Charter BTW. If you'd have asked I'd have told you. If Frank Zappa's greedy family can't find me, I doubt you can. But guess what? I'll give you my address. Not sure why it will be handy but I'll do it :))</span>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-88972165930627807382011-06-01T21:01:00.000-07:002011-06-01T21:01:39.810-07:00Forget What I said! Honey Badger Doesn't Give a SHIT!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F75p3kg4WIs/TecLHhtLONI/AAAAAAAAASc/sAh90HpH564/s1600/Honey.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-F75p3kg4WIs/TecLHhtLONI/AAAAAAAAASc/sAh90HpH564/s1600/Honey.bmp" t8="true" /></a></div><br />
Oh laws people! You need to do better "research". Had you done your online "education" about badgers BEFORE sugesting that they become the next magical animal midwife, you'd have found this lovely scientific video about the Honey Badger! Much like a CPM he does not GIVE A SHIT!!<br />
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<a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6415230/the-crazy-nastyass-honey-badger">http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6415230/the-crazy-nastyass-honey-badger</a><br />
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HOLY SHIT<br />
The next midwife on the poll is a Rock...so...have fun with that.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-THtxr-yjrZM/TecKeQ9oPTI/AAAAAAAAASY/fGj1NgxjBbw/s1600/Rock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-THtxr-yjrZM/TecKeQ9oPTI/AAAAAAAAASY/fGj1NgxjBbw/s400/Rock.jpg" t8="true" width="363" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rock Always Gives GREAT Birth Orgasms!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-46101266534663110652011-05-31T14:55:00.000-07:002011-05-31T15:09:45.302-07:00The Newest , Greatest Midwife.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-26C5ejfokus/TeVgXb4uayI/AAAAAAAAASA/imzJgGE21Ho/s1600/Badger.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="284" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-26C5ejfokus/TeVgXb4uayI/AAAAAAAAASA/imzJgGE21Ho/s320/Badger.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I am a little appalled at you guys and your selection of midwives from the poll. It appears that Badger Assisted Birth is on the horizon....yay?? What do we know about these creatures that makes you feel they would be good midwives?<br />
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We know that they live in holes. Yoni's are like holes and perhaps in cases where baby gets stuck the badger midwife can crawl up your yoni and retrieve the child?<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wi8xjTqx-js/TeVgwsu0gwI/AAAAAAAAASE/D4fbqfQ-SoA/s1600/badgerhole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wi8xjTqx-js/TeVgwsu0gwI/AAAAAAAAASE/D4fbqfQ-SoA/s320/badgerhole.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div>We know that they can yank things with their sharp teeths! This could be useful for a stubborn placenta.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-foe6OkC0wZs/TeVh1EqdA3I/AAAAAAAAASM/nP4SELyDEeA/s1600/badgerpull.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-foe6OkC0wZs/TeVh1EqdA3I/AAAAAAAAASM/nP4SELyDEeA/s320/badgerpull.bmp" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div>In the event of a transfer, badger midwives can get mean with the OB and annoy him into giving you your pain killer free C-Section ( like a real NATURAL Womyn!!) <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5-r70iWIgdU/TeVilsxdRCI/AAAAAAAAASQ/LgzSh0yoTe0/s1600/badger+teeth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5-r70iWIgdU/TeVilsxdRCI/AAAAAAAAASQ/LgzSh0yoTe0/s320/badger+teeth.jpg" t8="true" width="320" /></a></div>And last but not least, let's all remember that in Narnia, badgers can talk! <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v7lpnwR_DFk/TeVjA1G-VpI/AAAAAAAAASU/yS_An2jntws/s1600/badgernarnia.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-v7lpnwR_DFk/TeVjA1G-VpI/AAAAAAAAASU/yS_An2jntws/s1600/badgernarnia.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div>And, just in case Badger Midwifery is stupid you have <a href="http://www.badgerfuneralhome.com/about.php">this</a>Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8919969037186044539.post-13439932491224418962011-05-30T07:30:00.000-07:002013-01-07T07:19:25.749-08:00Monday Redos-day- Homebirth of a Lithopedion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PWBgeAil6iQ/TX0b-24S8FI/AAAAAAAAABI/O9jYoTcaBZg/s1600/rock.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" q6="true" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-PWBgeAil6iQ/TX0b-24S8FI/AAAAAAAAABI/O9jYoTcaBZg/s1600/rock.jpg" /></a></div>
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We don't always like to talk about what happens when a miscarriage does not evict the body. We here at Mama Tao believe that all babies, even those who have passed, deserve the sanctity of the Mama's womb.<br />
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Sometimes after giving a baby weeks, months and years to pass without the "help" of a D&C, we find ourselves in physical possession of a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lithopedion">lithopedion</a> or Stone Baby. It is nature’s way of keeping your dead zygote form infecting your blood (Isn't nature wonderful?!). The body of your little on is calcified in your womb forever!<br />
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For some of us though, we want to be able to have more children and until we get this ghost baby out of us, we are unable to do so!<br />
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When it comes time to birth (and it IS birth) your stone baby, you need to go someplace where it is quite and you feel special and sacred! Some may choose their bed while others prefer a toilet! It's all up to you.<br />
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Begin the birth by drinking Pepsi, Coke or any processed food as it is the surest way to abort a baby!<br />
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You will have contractions much like a live birth and eventually your baby will pass. At this point you will have a lovely stone statue to place on your fire place mantle to always remember your loved one! And your womb will be free to have more babies!Jade Jymsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03110282495918026536noreply@blogger.com0