Guest Post by: Mysti Mountain
Natural oxytocin source found!
Finally, good news for all those extractimoms out there! You can finally bond, sort-of, with your babies. Naturalist Xenobia Smith has found a way to distill a natural oxytocin supplement from dandelion fluff. For seven easy payments of $99.95 you can buy her bonding kit.
I can’t go into the proprietary information, but suffice it to say that the main idea is that the goddess ingests the oxytocins from 22 pounds of dandelion fluff while rhythmically hugging her child to her abdomen for 24-36 hours, depending of course on how committed she is to the relationship. Once the hugging cycle is completed, mother and baby should synchronise in a primal scream of love.
One user is quoted as saying “It was like a rain of love fell on us both, and I could finally recognize Moonbeam as part of my soul-journey.”
Warnings on the package remind you that a bonding partner is required to feed mom organic muesli and water for the 24 hours. The child will of course be exclusively breastfed throughout the process.
Formula feeders need not apply.
You need, of course, to provide some fine print for this product. I don't want to be judgmental, but women who follow this method will never achieve the kind of fulfillment and bonding experienced by those of us who have perfected birthing nirvana via unhindered birth. I think it's kind of sad that a product like this suggests that another means--albeit a natural one--can even approach that level of sanctity. Just my 2cents.
ReplyDeleteI am so buying this!!! If I use it properly, I just know I can begin to mend my improper bonding with Shadrach and Meshach.
ReplyDeleteWill the properties be enhanced if one performs the ritual in a birthing pool?
Bunnies, probably if you import salt water from Borneo.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of starting my own business with this product as I usually grow between 600-700 tons of dandelion fluff a summer. I might need some help with packaging it.
ReplyDeleteI'll take six courses !! Wonderful stocking filler for my girls !!
ReplyDeleteThis is great, I'm getting all my Christmas shopping done on the internet well in advance !!
Are those organic dandelions ?
ReplyDeleteScience keeps moving on ahead in leaps and bounds doesn't it !!!
ReplyDeleteDo hide the formula under you rbed though, I bet Big Pharma is already out to silence you !! You can't patent dandelions !!!
I'll take some, I think a doula should carry a medical bag for every emergency.
ReplyDeleteCan i get them in another color ?
ReplyDeleteYellow clashes with my aura.
Can I combine this with homeopathic remedies or are the two contraindicated ? I once took Rescue remedy with Anica and OMG did i EVER have an adverse reaction !!!
ReplyDeleteSeriously I was out of my mind and sweating like you wouldn't believe.
And cos they were not two remedies you could combine they were less effective on my illness so my fever didn't go down either.
I am a bit concerned about the carbon footprint of this with transport and wrapping etc, could you not waft the fluff at a bottle of tap water, pop a drop on say six sugar pills, leave them to dry and send me those instead ?
ReplyDeleteThey should be even MORE effective at that super strength.
What a wonderful idea Anti-vax... We could get so much more out of so much less! We are going to make so much money--I mean, help so many people!
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be a HUGE success !!
ReplyDeleteI just asked the sacred placenta, after the ritual throwing the maggots formed patterns that made symbols which definitely said you had a winner on your hands.
The ones making the symbol for "yellow flower" wriggled under the fridge though.
(sigh)
Must mean there will be a frosty reception from some quarters.
DON'T USE THIS !!!
ReplyDeleteOxyTOXIN is the evil catalyst for The Cascade Of Interventions™
You are not safe from The Cascade Of Interventions™ unless you live outside the radar range (500 miles) of the nearest hospital.
Unless you stick tin foil on your windows then the radar can't find you if you are more than 150 miles away.
"help so many people! "
ReplyDelete(((((((SAINT Mama Tao)))))))))))))
NO !!! We do not need to test !!
ReplyDeleteWe instinctively know it will work.
Think less, trust more !!11!!!
THe Windsheild Wiper method is also giving back a clear yes!
ReplyDelete