Guest Post by: Mysti Mountain
Natural oxytocin source found!
Finally, good news for all those extractimoms out there! You can finally bond, sort-of, with your babies. Naturalist Xenobia Smith has found a way to distill a natural oxytocin supplement from dandelion fluff. For seven easy payments of $99.95 you can buy her bonding kit.
I can’t go into the proprietary information, but suffice it to say that the main idea is that the goddess ingests the oxytocins from 22 pounds of dandelion fluff while rhythmically hugging her child to her abdomen for 24-36 hours, depending of course on how committed she is to the relationship. Once the hugging cycle is completed, mother and baby should synchronise in a primal scream of love.
One user is quoted as saying “It was like a rain of love fell on us both, and I could finally recognize Moonbeam as part of my soul-journey.”
Warnings on the package remind you that a bonding partner is required to feed mom organic muesli and water for the 24 hours. The child will of course be exclusively breastfed throughout the process.
Formula feeders need not apply.