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Thursday, March 17, 2011

A Mama and Her Partner Need Our Help

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I found this cry for help sitting in my in-box this morning. Please read his story and see if you can offer any help!

Dear MamaTao,

I’ve just discovered your blog and I feel like the universe has shown the way for me and my soul mate to finally achieve our bliss. You see, my life partner Solstice needs to have a birth experience of her own. She cries herself to sleep every night because she hears the birth stories of all of our friends and feels inadequate and incomplete as a woman. I also wish for a baby to be delivered from her loins, because I am seeking a source of compatible placental or umbilical stem cells. I was genitally mutilated as an infant, against my will, and now I hope to use the stem cells to grow a new foreskin. I have been teaching myself microbiology and recently I succeeded in growing a new foreskin in a petri dish using mouse stem cells, and then transplanting it onto a mouse! It is a very exciting accomplishment because my experiments also showed that the mouse has increased penile sensitivity with his new intact foreskin. So I think the time is right to grown a foreskin of my own.

You might think everything sounds wonderful, and it is, but there is one small problem. Solstice and I do not want to be parents. Of course we both need this pregnancy and birth to make our lives complete, but we do not wish to raise the placenta donor ourselves. The world is already too overpopulated and we do not wish to increase our carbon footprint. That is where your insightful blog and it’s thoughtful, sensitive, EDUCATED readers come in. We have chanted and burned incense more times than we can count, hoping to find suitable adoptive parents who share our nature-loving values and who would like to raise the offspring that results from Solstice’s birth experience. Of course the adoptive parents will be welcome to share in the joy of our unattended homebirth event, perhaps drinking from the birthing pool since we can’t serve you any of the placenta. You will also be welcomed at my foreskin restoration ceremony, where we will honor the gift of the placental cells that were given to us during the birth experience. Solstice will be performing the restoration herself, and is currently practicing on some feral cats that live in our barn.

Please, readers, help us to achieve our dreams. Won’t you consider adopting our placenta donor?

Pieter Pecquer-Ghedd

1 comment:

  1. merlins-hand-maidenMarch 18, 2011 at 9:40 AM

    I'm sorry, I have every sympathy and it sounds like it would work, I mean the science behind it is sound.

    But I just couldn't raise a baby I didn't birth myself.

    I have a hard enough time motivating myself to take care of the two I have extracted from me cos it interfered with the bond as expected.

    But there are plenty of false women who can't have children, often because they selfishly wanted to wait till they had a stable financial situation, non violent and committed partner without addition issues an other such excuses..and then found out they had a short time line and fertility issues (probably because the goddess did not approve of aforementioned selfishness). I bet they'd take it.

    I mean I just want to say to them "hellllooooooooooooooo ! there is no such thing as a perfect time to have a birth experience so just GET ON WITH IT !!!", but if they could be useful then yeah, why not offer one of them the baby.