Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Practical Jokes to Play on OBs this April Fools
Joke # 1- The Ugly Virgin Vagina
This joke is one of my all-time favorites. Pick a random OB from the phone book and make an appointment for what you will tell them is "My first Pap Smear".
When you get to the table and spread your hairy legs for the Doc, be sure to act timid and afraid (Not hard to do in the face of a quack!)
Tell the doctor you are a virgin and then present you unstitched and naturally healed vagina to her! She will run away in fear thinking that your Baby Makers has never been touched and is somehow mutated beyond belief.
Let’s show these OBs what a NATURAL vagina looks like!
Joke #2 The Unwanted Enema
This joke will only work if you happen to have transferred to the hospital during your Unassisted Homebirth and seeing as how that fact makes you a total wuss, you will most certainly be forced to get an enema.
Ask the staff if you may flush your body out on your own. ( Most hospital will allow this one bit of freedom). Put the liquid in your bum --but don't let it out. Waddle, butt cheeks clinched, over to the table and commence to pushing--Do I really have to explain this one?
Joke #3 Where’s the Baby?
For this joke you need to have already delivered the baby at home or in the car. Leave your little one with a total stranger you met on the internet who happens to be lactating and get your Husband or life partner to drive you to the hospital.
Upon arrival you are to deliver the placenta, which you have been holding in by squishing your legs tightly together, on the table.
While the OB looks totally confused, you scream in a totally shrill voice “WHERE THE HELL IS MY BABY!!!”
I hope these jokes can work both as humor and activism! Let’s show these OBs we know more than they do even if we didn’t go to school and have only done internet research!