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Thursday, March 31, 2011

We Won!!

Our friend at NOT WORTH MENTIONING has awarded us the title of New Blog of The Day! I have looked it over and apparently it's some sort of humor site! I am so excited that he chose to have a serious and important blog as his pick! It just goes  to show that everyone has a heart! <3

Lets show him some Blogger love and traffic today :D

All Natural Vitamins

By Soleil Moon

We all know we should be getting a wide array of vitamins and minerals daily. What can you do to make sure you don’t buy supplements from Big Pharma?? Acquire them in their purest forms yourself, like a good earth mother! Eating seafood and drinking water from India gives you a great boost of arsenic. Did you know arsenic does... wonders for your hair and nails, like calcium, but without having to drink animal fluids.  Eating lots of tuna boosts your Omega-3’s (which make us super smart). People claim tuna contains “high levels of mercury”, but there is no evidence that mercury even exists. This is a lie fed to you by the government to keep you from fishing for your own food. They don’t want us to be self-sustained. Make sure to grow your own garden. Use all natural fertilizers for this. I encourage you to have your family potty into a bucket and save all your menstrual blood then poor this lovely mixture on your garden. The vegetables grow quite well and are so delicious. This adds the nutrients that your body removes that are so valuable to your health. Did you know you can grow your own evening primrose for female health?? That’s right, just pluck the blooms off and eat them for an instant hormonal boost. If you save some of your amniotic fluid, you can give small dosages to the baby. It is filled with all those feel good hormones for baby so it’s only fair that it can ingest that while you are taking your placenta pills. If baby gets colic, plant some poppies. Poppies are a natural source of opiates, which have a calming effect. The government only forbids natural drugs because they cannot make money off of them! Feeding opiates to your baby was a sure fire way of calming an infant during the pioneer days. Gosh, those mama’s sure were strong and smart!! I hope to live in a way that would make my pioneer ancestors proud!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Just What Africa Needs??

We have a bit of a problem here dear readers. As it turns out the CentreVita Birth Center (you already said that in your title) of Austin, is hosting a fund raiser to raise money to send more Medwives and medical care to Africa.
Let’s start from the start shall we? Africa was once a great continent that was the center of civilization, until the evil British and Belganeese appeared and screwed up their NATURAL culture and economic system. As a result, the people of Africa (Which is a continent, NOT a country by itself) were left poor and undereducated. The one thing they did have going for them was a well learned, indigenous system of Witch Doctors and Midwitches who know how to let NATURE take its course.
If these MEDwives have their way, the last remaining bits of a millions year old society will crumble under the final wave of UNNATURAL interventions. Women in Africa’s many nations will be forced into hospitals by an overeducated horde that descends upon them like a plague of menstruating locusts!
How do I know this? As it turns out, Faith Beltz, one of the MEDwives who works at this centre (Center for those of us who speak AMERICAN ENGLISH and don’t run around trying to be a fancy pants!)….where was I?

One of these MEDwives has a record (of failure to transfer) that only contains one dead child--who would have been saved if medical intervention had occurred….??!! Only one dead baby that might have made it means something here, sisters. It means that this woman interferes with NATURE. It means that this OB-like woman must be overly trained to do her job and will bring nothing but C-sections and the cascade of interventions ™ to Africa. And if she does it, if she lets one baby live during a homebirth by taking them to the hospital, she will pollute the birthing world and bring a hex of interventions down on us ALL!!
I call to you now Sisters, Mothers, Daughters! Rise up and save the women of Africa from the pitfalls of UNNATURE! If we allow this to happen, next they will be trying to introduce MEDwifery to Eurasia!! It will not stand, sisters!  IT WILL NOT STAND!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


Guest Blog by Lactivistissimo

Wymyn !! Extended Breastfeeders !! Whole Family Breastfeeders !!! - We have a problem.

The EVIL formula companies are plotting against us !!! (support action against them)

The prejudice at what we do, inhibiting as ever our peaceful, non intrusive, modest public breastfeeding (please click and show support in comments, the poor woman is still livid with righteous indignation !!) is still a HUGE issue.

What we have noted is that our British EBers and WFBers suffer far more prejudice than any other nationality.

We have also discovered why !!!

Tirgger Warning for Laugh-At-Me Rape

Mama Tao does not wish to squander her supply of Natural Parent Advisory Warning stickers, due to cost reasons. If you feel this video meets the criteria please vote for a sticker under this post in comments.

I personally feel OPRESSED !!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Manifesto of the Masked Mama; or, A Call to Impose Natural Living on the World, Whether They Know What’s Good for them Or Not

Mama Tao has received the following mysterious and epic Manifesto, anonymously, in her inbox. Who is this Masked Mama?  Stay tuned to this blog, and with any luck The Masked Mama will make her presence further known in the future!

I sing of Revolution and the Mama.
I call upon the Muse of Natural Living.
I tell the tale of The Masked Mama.

The Masked Mama dreams of Other Real Mamas rising up and taking arms against the epitome of all that is evil: mainstream parenting.

She strives for forceful intervention in all things Unnatural, in order to prevent:
* unnatural extractions interfering with and ruining normal birth
* the toxification of infants via formula “feeding”
* the imposition of plastic on childhood
* the conspiracy of “vaccination”
* the damage of “standard education”
* And, above all, for the tyranny of “expertise” over Evidence- Based care and Mama Experience

She offers herself, humbly, as a beacon of light for other Real Mamas to follow in their quest.  
By her deeds shall you know her. 

She shall be a Moses to the Mama, leading her people to the Promised Land of Natural Living. 
She shall be a Harriet Tubman to those enslaved by falsehoods, following the North Star to the Freedom promised by Natural Living. 
She shall be as Ghandi to the masses, a harbinger of peace and justice, imposed by the sword of her own righteousness.

I sing of Revolution and the Mama. 


The Masked Mama.  Spreading Sanctimony, Vitriol, and Intolerance, One Intervention at a Time.

A Tragic Loss

By Elderberry

For decades it has has been the sole voice railing against mainstream parenting magazines who promote unacceptable images of motherhood: deeply imperfect moms who leave their kids from time to time, spend money on non organic\AP baby gear, and care more about themselves than they do their kids, by birthing them in hospitals and stabbing them with poisonous vaccinations for the sake of a day out.

These magazines do NOT challenge their readers to consciously make educated parenting decisions by looking at risk factors and seeing which one they react to instinctively with fear, regardless of where the decimal point is.

Yes, a sad sad time for all of us moms who actually care about our children, and all things nature in parenting.

Inexplicably some readers have had a muted, almost indifferent response to the demise of a national treasure on the magazines website....(from the comments)

"I feel like a part of my own identity has been taken away from me….."

"This method of discontinuing the magazine is like divorcing a partner one has had for decades without even talking about it first!"

"Why would they do this to us\WHY?WHY?WHY?"

"...….the searing pain in my heart will not leave."

"I feel like an abandoned child!"

Other mothers, older, wiser, naturaler know that such a reserved response does not do the grief and pain justice.

Ladies, this is OUR

Chernobyl !!!

Let the misery commence !!!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Wonderful New Product!!

Guest Post by: Mysti Mountain

Natural oxytocin source found!

Finally, good news for all those extractimoms out there! You can finally bond, sort-of, with your babies. Naturalist Xenobia Smith has found a way to distill a natural oxytocin supplement from dandelion fluff.  For seven easy payments of $99.95 you can buy her bonding kit.

I can’t go into the proprietary information, but suffice it to say that the main idea is that the goddess ingests the oxytocins from 22 pounds of dandelion fluff while rhythmically hugging her child to her abdomen for 24-36 hours, depending of course on how committed she is to the relationship. Once the hugging cycle is completed, mother and baby should synchronise in a primal scream of love.

One user is quoted as saying “It was like a rain of love fell on us both, and I could finally recognize Moonbeam as part of my soul-journey.”

Warnings on the package remind you that a bonding partner is required to feed mom organic muesli and water for the 24 hours. The child will of course be exclusively breastfed throughout the process.

Formula feeders need not apply.

Serious Post--Thoughts For a Friend

Everyone please keep our good friend "Elderberry" and her family in your thoughts. They have suffered a loss of a loved one. "Elderberry" is a HUGE part of Mama Tao and we will be so happy to have her back with us.


~The Mama Tao Crew~

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Don't Doubt the Doula

by Dooo Lahhhh

Blessed be !!

After years of arduous, rigorous research we finally have the results published and peer reviewed of just how much better it is to give birth if you pay for a doula to harangue you into a natural birth no matter what you say when the reality of the pain hits !!

Acting as an irritant in the L&D department shows that women do better if all the medwives and docmonsters are put in their place by somebody with a FRESH and REAL education.

So there you have it cast iron proof that dipping into your bank account virtually guarantees you the birth that your doula wants !!!

Seriously, you'd have to be mad or a masochist not to hire one.

Proper Scienftific Reserch is a Brezze for a Well educated Doula !

Results of the study in the original are here

Friday, March 25, 2011

Ask Mama Tao--Re-Birth

Dear Mama Tao, 
I will admit, I was birth raped. Not knowing any better, I went to the 
hospital thinking something was "wrong", and the baby was extracted from
 my goddess womb three hours later (some crap about eclampsia). 
Don't they realize my body knew what it was doing?
My question is: can I do some kind of ceremony or rebirth of 
little Deadtree? How else is he to have a normal life? 
Can I introduce him into the womb and reintroduce him earthside? 
He is 20 lbs and 29 in. 
Thank you for your wisdom!
Too embarrassed of my lost goddessness to leave my name
Sent from my iPhone
Dear Sent From My iphone,
Today seems to be your lucky day as I have just written a paper on the newest 
practice of Re-birthing by a Doctor from Shulls Mill College. In his reports he 
speaks at great length about things that would make many of us uuncomfortable. 
There is a new method being designed where babies and children are squeezed through
a press while at the same time a watermelon that has been inserted in the Mother's
Yoni is removed. Special pictures are shown during this process while both parent 
and child focus of restoring their relationship. Perhaps this method is a good one
for you as it seems your son has grown too large to actually be shoved back into
your girly bits.
Hope this helps,
~Mama Tao~  

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Other Ways to Birth--Conjoined Twins: A Lesson in Culture

Chang and Eng Bunker were born vaginally and at home

I know you are not going to want to hear this ladies, but I am going to advocate for Midwifes on this one--and no you don't have to have a medwife! A Direct Entry Midwife or a CPM will do just fine. The main reason is because you will need someone there to manipulate your vagina and everyone knows we can't really do that ourselves.

But lets start at the beginning, shall we?

NATURE is all knowing--but she is not always kind. If you find yourself , for whatever reason, carrying conjoined twins, just know that NATURE has a plan and a place for you and your little genetic mutations!

Depending on the position of the babies and the exact location of there conjoinment, a c-section is not always necessary. And lets be honest--would we all not prefer to come out of a lovely yoni instead of having our safe space violated by a knife and some latex gloves?
In another example for 1493, we see a set of twins who were also born vaginally and at home. can you imagine the width of these twins mother's yoni! She must have been an exceptional woman!

Conjoined twins were being spat forth from yonis as early as 1492
Simply because NATURE has destined you two children to be attached for life does not mean that you can't have the beautiful and NATURAL birth experience you want! One would think that with conjoined twins it would be all down hill from that point anyway.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Uber Unschooling Vindicated

By The Uber Unschooler

It is a proud proud day in the Uber Unschooler household.

Zallion, my oldest, has struggled with reading and writing. Probably due to an undiagnosed learning disability that would be COERCIVE to treat. Not to mention an exhibition of MISTRUST in her ability to know what she needs, by having her tested.

After locking herself in the trailer at the bottom of the homestead veggie plot with her boyfriend, Wolfbaggin (aged 34, but here too Uber Unschoolers know to trust their children when, how and who with they need to explore with), Zallion has produced a wondrous work.

Obviously since handwriting is an obsolete skill she typed it, and created an original piece of work to take center stage in the forthcoming publicity campaign to promote Uber Unschooling.

It has been sent to the printers and will be appearing on billboards and local TV programming any day now (=

What mother who has brow beaten the Nay Sayers lamenting an illiterate 17 year old wouldn't respond with a middle finger raised, to demonstrate how happy she in that now they can see that a lack of manipulation\coercion combined with 100% trust and space has borne such beautiful "I told you so" shaped fruit ?

My daughter is proof that if you don't hot house your children by COERCIVELY teaching them, they blossom into fragrant flowers, capable of sheer genius, as I'm sure the Bard himself would agree.

Wolfbaggin (harrowed, depleted, sad and brain damaged from being forced into formal education until the age of 24) said he did nothing more that sit back quietly to observe, leaving her unaided to flow with the learning process and watch in awe at my superior parental decisions paying off.

He said quite literally  her skill at forming words appeared as by osmosis. 

He is overwhelmed by the creativity I have allowed to be created in her.

As am I, especially at my intelligence at creating and choosing Uber Unschooling

As you to will be, when you read on.

(I hope when you read the title you'll understand the art work Wolfbaggin designed himself to accompany the words)

Appley Unschooly Education, Naturally Grown
An Original Work of Sheer Genius
by Zallion Norton (17)

"Here's to the mad as a box of frogs ones. The weirdos. The mutinous. The zealots. The square pegs who shove their elbows out, refusing to fit into the square holes.

The ones who see things differently after careful research on Google tells them they should. They like rules, an opportunity to get stroppy. And they love the status quo, cos it is road map to show them how to stand out.

You can try to have a conversation with them, disagree with them, quote them, look in disbelief at them, roll your eyeballs at them or call CPS on them.

About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they won't let you.

Maybe they have to be nutJOBS.

How else can you stare at an non reading, video game obsessed 15 year old and see an effective education ?

Or sit in a chaos of screaming kids and hear learning in action

While some see us as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because we who are crazy enough to think we can make up our own meaning of the word education, are the ones who do."


Mama Tao's Midwifery Conference

So I am thinking about hosting a NATURAL Midwifery/Organic Mama/Educational Conference soon here in my hometown of Newton, PA. Here are some topics I was thinking about centering in on.
Crafts: Things to do with your placenta and extra vernix
Education: Letting the baby come when it’s damn well ready even if it is two months late
Midwifery: Opening a CPM and DEM booth that registers and trains midwives on the spot!
The Doula Dance: For entertainment
The price will be $1500 for a half day and $3000 for a full day. **Midwifery traing and certification will cost extra**
Please sign up for a booth and leave your ideas below!

Mama Tao’s Guide to Homemade Vaccinations!

By Soleil Moon

Just because you choose to reject the medical establishments ( because we all know they want our money) doesn't mean you should reject vaccinating your kids!

Homemade vaccines are as good if not BETTER and SAFER than the ones pushed by evil big PHARMA!!

Here is Mama Tao’s homemade immunization schedule!

Hep B: Mixture of kosher salt,echinacea & olive oil recommended to give the first dose at birth, can be administrated by a doula or midwife ( most MANA & DONA certified doulas & midwifes know how to do it) but may be given at any age for those not previously immunized. protects against all forms of hepititus and boosts immunity and brain power!

2 months
Diphtheria, tetanus, and acellular pertussis: mix raw Honey, with curry mixed with coconut oil and a little garlic, works best if the child snorts it.

Haemophilus influenzae homemade vaccine:   mix organic Japanese still water with 2oz oolong tea, let the child soak in it for 2 hours,  make the child drinks some for extra absorption, soak the child every fort night for 3 months.


Inactivated poliovirus homemade vaccine: Mix whole grain (preferably organic and gluten free) flour with Chinese mineral water, ginger, 7 rose petals, 1 cucumber, 1 banana, 3 brazil nuts, mix into a paste leave on the window sill overnight, then apply & massage on the child’s hair let it absorb for 6 hours, wash off with baking powder and vinegar. 
Pneumococcal conjugate homemade vaccine: Mix 3 tablespoons of organic turmeric, nutmeg, ginger, 1 teaspoon coriander, make sure they are organic & fair trade or this vaccine won’t WORK, Mix with 3oz lukewarm carbonated water, 1oz organic treacle, let it ferment, and make sure your dd or ds, drinks it every full moon until their 3rd birthday.

Results may vary.

Homemade vaccines are backed and recommended by the dolphin assisted birth foundation. 

The Psychology of Birth

As many of you know, Kate Tietje has asked Mama Tao to share her story with the world on her blog! I am so excited i wanted to give you all a sneek peak at my entry! Hope you enjoy!! And please keep the "Tisk Tisks" to yourself! All comments that are rude will be deleted!

By Jade Jymson
After the Birth of my first son, I had issues. The books I was reading talked about this great love and attachment that I was supposed to be feeling—but I wasn’t. I think it all started with my birth. I had dreams of a perfect, natural, labor—with husband and midwife by my side. As it turns out, the best laid plans are usually the first to go out the window. A LEEP I had received to remove cervical cancer had left my cervix covered in scars that refused to budge without Pitocin. After the Pit came the epidural—because one cannot expect to go natural after nature has been thrown out the window.
            The Epidural was scary and about halfway through I decided I didn’t want it anymore but was too scared to tell her to stop. My son was born many hours later, but something inside me had changed. I have to admit I don’t think it will ever get better.
            While looking for reasons as to why I might not have the emotions I should for my son, I was lured in to some psychology studies and found some interesting statistics. According to the Center for Family Freedom, almost 20% of women who suffered from traumatic labors felt that the relationship between themselves and their children was stunted and a further 5% felt downright dislike for said child. This number might actually be higher considering the subject at hand is not something most mothers admit. Phil Whithers, the head of the group states: “{ I}t is impossible to point out at which moment a Mother and child begin to bond—perhaps when unnatural interventions are introduced, certain hormones are never released.”
            I feel ya there Phil, honestly I do. But what if we have missed these precious moments that can never be returned to us? The answer lies perhaps in a re-birthing or sorts. Dr. Wyatt Jones of Shulls Mill College states: “If we can find a way to trick the mind-- make it think for a moment that it is reliving the seconds where the trauma was first introduced, perhaps we can have a second chance at renewal. Perhaps we can cause of release of the bonding hormone and give these mothers a chance at the relationship they never had with their kids. A psychological re-birth would involve mother and child reenacting the entry of the child into this world—we would literally give them a second shot.”
            We can only hope that there is some method that restores our natural balance as mothers and sisters in this world of unnatural interventions. But know this, you are not alone. We are all struggling and we all need and deserve a chance at redemption
~Jade Jymsom~
Gibbs, Jeanette. Bonding and Balance. 2. Winston-Salem: Blue Green Press, 2005. 375. Print.
Wilson, Robert. In a Child's Eyes. 2. New York: Heystone Publishing, 2009. 845. Print.

An Urgent Message From Mama Tao!

Drink up that proverbial Pennyroyal Tea, Ladies as it is time to ABORT mission!! It appears that Dr. Harry, our man-pet is on to our plans to snatch his ass up!
He posted a comment in the “Mama Tao’s 300” post and   asked us not to hurt him!  He is clearly mocking us in an attempt to send poisonous theta waves into our delicate subconscious!

All plans are not to be moved to the old Mothering board, where we shall regroup and reassign roles!

To the Tao Cave!!

Poll #2 Results

There must be something strange going on here.  The poll results are in and I have to admit that I am baffled at the results of this last poll. It seems that a large portion of my readers actually went to an OBGYN with their first birth???

There are several reasons this scientific data could come out this way.
1) Many of us did not have Internet with our first births, therefor we were uneducated on the subject of birth.
2) And the more likely possibility is that Mama Tao has been infiltrated by hacks who come here merely to mess up my polls!

I see you out there, stopping by and thinking to yourselves "Oh, Mama Tao just wants others to agree with her skewed views of birth!" I know you are there and I am giving you the digital finger!

As for the REAL results of the poll, six of my readers went with a medwife and were assuredly birth raped. Eight of you went with a home birth midwife and were more than likely birth raped.

Perhaps the best news is that a whole dozen of us had the good Internet education needed to have a unassisted labor!! This is very exciting news and further proves my point that childbirth belongs in the hands of Mothers and Fathers!
Thanks for playing along!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Ask Mama Tao- Birthing Pod Cast

Dear Mama Tao:

Although the home birth of my little Abednego a month ago was spiritually redemptive, having suffered unnecessarily through Rape-of-Birth-Experience with the hospital extractions of the first two (as you made me see!  Hugz!), I seek something even more empowering with my next birth experience.  So I have decided to accelerate my journey toward Birth Goddessdom by live-blogging and web-casting this time (we're TTC already!).  

I envision myself deep in a primeval forest in the light of a full moon, surrounded by chanting Buddhist monks and the dulcet sounds of Enya wafting through the trees, while the world witnesses the most intimate moment of my life with collective bated breath.  Plus I will make sure the camera only catches me from my good side.  It will doubtless go far in making up for the inadequacies of my first two births! I'm tearing up just thinking about it!

Because my pelvis shape always seems to prolong baby's descent (simply variations of normal and nothing repositioning won't solve), I will probably labor a good ten days or more, which will provide plenty of time for the web-cast to go viral.  Perhaps even "Dr." She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named (manipulative shrew!) will write about it, driving even more traffic my way.  That way scores of womyn will see how blissful and empowering birth is, provided one makes the right choices, surrounds oneself only with positive support, Trusts Birth (TM), and realizes that this is what our bodies are MADE for!

Do you have any suggestions for elements I might add to my performance?  And what should I do to prepare myself for the inevitable insults hurled my way by the sheeple who don't believe in evidence-based care?


Bunnies and Flowers

Dear Bunnies and Flowers,

As Richard Gere sang in "Chicago" I think you should "give ‘em the old razzle dazzle". Some of the best elements of stage work include costumes and lighting.
Anything sparkly will surely gain the attention of the sheeple and those who are already birthing goddesses. I highly suggest you and your birthing partner visit your local thrift store and buy up all the glittery and colorful clothes you can find. Audiences are always awed by multiple costume changes so see if you can work a few in.
Perhaps you and your husband can also find some cheap colored lighting gels to hold up in from of your lamps. Setting the mood will be a huge part of the performance. Try changing the colors to match your pain filled screams. Red should be saved for the actual moment of birth as it will wash out the hemorrhaging!
Finally, if you find you are in the mood before you deliver, try to work in a few Ginger and Fred style tap dances--you can even make up lyrics to go along with what you are doing!

Best of Luck to you! I know you you'll be a star! Send us the link when you get your pod cast started.
~Mama Tao~

Novocain Is For Sissies!

I went in for my yearly visit with my Holistic Dentist yesterday and was about to get the normal shot full of Novocain, when it suddenly occurred to me “People have been having their teeth worked on for years without medication!” And what good has come of Novocain?Cocaine  --that's right!
So we all know that meds for labor are UNNATURAL, but what we fail to often realize is that it is just as unnatural to receive painkillers for any type of pain. I know many a Mama who pushed for over a week trying to bring her little bub Earthside and then went over to the tooth doctor and got a nice shot of the good stuff—some even went as far as being knocked out for a wisdom tooth removal (which is just stupid as there are natural ways to get your wisdom teeth to move out of the way with some daily gnashing).
With this is mind, fellow natural Mama’s, I decided to try a little experiment and go my root canal sans drugs! I was going to have some drug free oral surgery!
There are some things I never noticed about the dental process until I took my turn at not being a wuss. For one, everyone is aware of that nasty drill hum while surfacing and the crack of roots being upturned during an extraction. When you go drug free you are suddenly unable to hear these sounds! Nature has a wonderful way of shielding us from this grotesque procedure by covering the noise with our own beautiful and NATURAL screams! The howling was so loud I managed to totally mute even the loudest of drill bits!
So take this lesson from Mama Tao—EVERYONE was meant to have NATURAL root canals and extractions. It is how to world was designed, just as we are also meant to naturally birth our children. The best part of the entire thing was that the breathing exorcises worked just about as well for dentistry as they do for NATURAL labor! We have already acquired the tools for NATURAL dentistry!
So next time, so sissy Monmtype tells you her face is still numb from her wisdom tooth removal, take this time to boast and show off your invisible medal of hardcore Mommy-dom! You , my friends, are not SISSIES!

Mama Tao's 300

Guest blog by Elderberry

Mama Tao proudly embraces her feminine facial hair!!!!!!

Today we at the formerly private email group "Mama Tao's Cosy Coven" discovered WHY we have moved to an open forum, like our sisters at mothering DOT com, when we were humbled by a blogger who passed through, remarked on the travesty that is the evil rap video "Immunize", with its embedded theta particle waves aimed at stealth blue tooth vaccination of our children against friendly diseases, and reminded us of our maternal duty.

"It is our duty as mothers to spread the truth about this and by doing so help other mothers make an informed choice."

Are we to stick our fingers in our ears, clap our hands over our eyes and thrust a foot in our mouths, or are we to ACT as incited by a passing blogger !!!

Having meditated over a print out of the comment left I have ascertained that what this gentle, sweet blogger had in mind was forcing the issue by making a stand
This wymen, is a call to arms that we MUST heed !!

Man Pet - Dr. Harry

Tonight we take Dr Harry and keep him as our coven man pet until "Immunize" is withdrawn and an anti vax rapping video is put in its place.

Ladies. Pitchforks and flaming torches at the ready.

This day we rescue a world from EBM and scientific tyranny and usher in mysticism .... Ready your organic granola breakfast and eat within the heavily restricted food groups you permit... For tonight, we dine in hell!

Monday, March 21, 2011

A Scientific Theory of Disease

Our recent twitter spat with ZdoggMD, has got this Mama thinking about the history of vaccines and the claims made by those who support them.
A NCB friend of mine once said “Peer-review isn’t everything!” but I still want to be as scientific as possible so I want you ladies to peer-review my theory for me!
How many of you actually know someone who has had Polio—or tetanus—or even rabies? How many of you know someone who has suffered from ANYthing they vaccinate for? I am 29-years-old and not once have I met someone with Varicella or Mumps. Given this evidence I am pushed to believe that none of the illnesses actually ever existed!
Sure, now we have Chicken Pox vaccines, and we’ve all had that, but perhaps they have run out of ideas for what I now believe are FAKE illnesses, made up to sell shots to stupid sheep parents!
They say that Small Pox is their proof that shots can eradicate certain illness from the Earth but friends I think it is reasonable to believe Small Pox never existed at all.
Perhaps we should remember this when some scientific Ped is trying to push the Hugg-a-bugga shot on your child!
Please leave your peer reviews in the comments!

An exerpt from my forthcoming book, "Battle Hymn of the Dolphin Mother."

By Aleah Latcatio

A lot of people wonder how Crunchy Earth Mamas raise such stereotypically healthy and intuitive children. They wonder what these Mamas do to produce so many doulas, faith healers, and telephone psychics; what it's like inside the family, and whether they can do it too. Well, I can tell them, 'cause I have done it. Here are some of the things my children - Cloude (my birthrape baby), SkyeDancer, Wax, Lil Wane, Frix and Freya (the twins), Trout, Snubnose Dolphin (my first dolphin-birthed child, affectionately called Snubbie D), and Crash - were never ever ever ever ever allowed to do:
Drink poisonous formula
Use deodorant
Wear commercially produced and packaged diapers
Wear diapers at all, because all of us practiced elimination communication
Eat anything other than my precious, life-giving Mother's Milk until they were three
Not attend the homebirths of all of their brothers and sisters, and also the homebirths of the thousands and hundreds of babies I delivered
Complain about having to attend and assist in the homebirths of all of their brothers and sisters
Complain about having to eat the placenta of all of their homebirthed brothers and sisters.
I'm going out on a limb with the term Crunchy Earth Mama, 'cause there are a lot of posers out there who like to call themselves Crunchy Mamas, but aren't nearly so hardcore upon closer inspection. Some of these "mothers" will breastfeed, but stop once their child is three or four years old (I'm 47 weeks pregnant with my tenth child and still providing regular meals of liquid gold to each and every one of my babies, ages newborn to fourteen). Most of these self-styled "Natural Moms" pick and choose a few crunchy things to follow (babywearing, bed-sharing) and use Huggies, give their children poisonous formula, and whine about how HARD breastfeeding was for the first few months, so they plug away for a bit and then just give up.  It's the first few months that are EASY. It's breastfeeding into the eighth and ninth years that get tough.
Crunchy Earth Mamas can get away with things that Mainstream "Mothers" just can't. Once when I was on my way to attend a homebirth after Cesarean, nearly 50 weeks pregnant with my youngest, I started to give birth in the car! Did I pull over to the side of the road and call 911? Hellz no; there was no way any Dr. Evil was going to get his slimy OB fingers on MY fetus after my traumatic and horrific birth rape with my first child! Instead, I kept driving, slowing my speed on the interstate to an acceptable 65mph.  After narrowly missing rearending a semi, which ended up swerving into another lane and causing a 22-car pileup, I sped around the wreckage, baby crowning, stomped on the gas, and pushed that baby out while driving a stick shift! Making sure to leave the umbilical cord attached, since that ensures the baby gets oxygen even if the baby is higher than the placenta, I placed little Crash at my breast, covered in my Motherly Goo, and continued nursing, placenta tucked safely under my arm with Crash still attached in order to reap all of the benefits of an empowering and healing Lotus Birth.
While Mainstream "Mothers" are often too busy with their careers and such, Dolphin Mothers's children are her career. Total motherhood is the only acceptable way for a Dolphin Mother, and Crunchy Earth Mamas as a whole.  Crash's birth is but one example of the sacrifice that a true Crunchy Earth Mama will give for her children, who are her life, her breath, her reason for being. 
And that is why Crunchy Earth Mamas, and me, in particular, are so much better than Mainstream "Mothers."
So there.

Guest Blogger:A Tweenwearing Story

By Mama Goldenwolf Mooncloud

Recently I had quite a struggle with my oldest child, ten-year-old Quicksilver Bean. We were getting ready to walk to the farmer’s market for some organic herbs. I had just stuffed my twins, Mushroom and Seagull, into my slings on the front – one sling over each shoulder – and I my was ready to put Quicksilver Bean in the wrap on my back. But when I told him it was time, he threw a fit! It was terrible! He tried to tell me that he didn’t want to be worn this time. He absolutely refused to get in! He wanted to walk so he could see more along the way. I tried to remind him that it was important for him to be worn – tweenwearing helps build your bond, and that’s so important. But he was being very obstinate, and I finally had to promise him an extra pillow in the family bed tonight to get him to cooperate.

Well, mamas, I was heartbroken. I just know this is because I let that stupid midwife talk me into transferring to a hospital 8 days after my water broke during Quicksilver Bean’s birth. She just stood by while they birth raped me with an IV full of pitocin and a fetal monitor! My bond with him is still damaged, no matter how much I nurse and wear him. Fortunately, I had an idea. I took him to a craniosacral therapist for several sessions to overcome the trauma he is suffering from his birth. It was wonderful! His head was turned this way and that, and his own Inner Physician took over and restored positive energy flow! His head was pushed down towards his navel repeatedly. He was vocalizing how intense his energy felt the whole time, and when we got home after each session, he would simply lay on the couch and complain of headache – he must have been worn out from all that work. When we left his most recent session, Quicksilver Bean told me that he would be happy to be worn in my wrap and to not take him back for any more sessions. I was so happy, and so thankful for his craniosacral therapist!

Guest Blog- My Dolphin Assisted Birth Rape Story

Here  at Mama Tao, you know I have a a strict no censorship policy. But sometimes friends, I must admit, a story comes along that I simply will not allow to be published in its entirity. The following story is one of those cases. Please ignore the words that have been scratched out for your saftey.

I Had always wanted a dolphin Birth. When my water broke with my latest child we went straight to the large water mammal section of the local zoo, where our midwife let us in the gate.
The water was warm and at first the dolphins were friendly but suddenly I noticed that one of them was coming at me with a huge penis! I didn't even know dolphins had penises!

I don't even want to talk about what happened next, but let's just say it's never a smart idea to get in the water with a horney beast while you have your legs splayed apart! They managed to pull me out of the water but it was too late. I don't recomend dolphin assisted birth!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ask Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao:

I have such a sad tale to relate.  I was waiting at the bus stop, contemplating how lucky I am to be a birthing goddess and wondering how soon I could TTC after my HBA5C last month, when a "woman" seated on the bench next to me pulled out a bottle  and began to Formula Feed her poor infant (it wasn't even a glass bottle--it was PLASTIC!  I mean, how can one person be so UNEDUCATED??)  Naturally, I fled the area in hysterical tears, having been Proximity Raped.  Luckily, I had sewn a healing sage incense stick into the hem of my organic cotton baby sling for just this kind of emergency, and I instantly smudged DD.  But I seek a deeper cleansing ritual to try to rid my baby of toxins.  I need not tell you how important it is to create a protective aura around my rainbow child--she's the only one I've bonded with since she was my only normal birth.  ((((((((((((((Mama Honesty))))))))))))))))  I've already scheduled appointments with my holistic healer and my chiropractor, but I'm desperate for suggestions before then.  Oh, Mama Tao, can you help me????


Panicked in Portland
Dear Panicked,
Normally during a situation like this I would recommend getting pregnant as soon as possible. Considering that this child did not belong to you, I think the only way for you to ease your soul ache is to adopt this poor infant and nurse it with your own sweet milk.
One of the easiest ways to adopt a baby that is not for sale is to call Social Services. Child Protective Workers are notorious for taking children who don't have psychological issues because children who are from genuinely abusive homes are harder to adopt out.
One little erroneous call from you to CPS should get the job done and then that poor baby will be all yours to nurse and bond with. If they are going to formula feed, they should not have had kids in the first place. They don't deserve them!

Ask Mama Tao-Midwife/Medwife?

Dear Mama Tao:

I am soooooooooooooooo angry right now.  Simply because my blood pressure has been running at 160/115, my feet are swollen to the size of soccer balls, and my urine is coffee colored, my DEM wanted me to transfer to an OB's care.  Really????  I couldn't believe she didn't know that swelling and rising pressures in the third trimester are both usual, and "preeclampsia" is nothing but a variation of normal (and probably even psychosomatic to begin with).  Besides, I've been faithfully following the Brewer Diet, so I know I'm perfectly healthy.  Serves me right, I guess, for not trusting birth enough and giving in to the intervention of blood pressure checks.  Live and learn.  My next birth experience will be perfect.  Anyway, of course I fired this woman on the spot, having revealed her true identity as a medwife by trying to rob me of my home birth and my CHOICE.  Did I do the right thing?  I can't help but think I should have done more to prevent her from harming other women with her misinformation and medicalization of birth.  How would you have handed the situation yourself?


Seething in Seattle
Dear Seething in Seattle,
I hate to tell you like it is, but that is usually the case with these Midwives/Medwives. Any time you have someone other than you interfering with your birth, you are just asking for trouble. The problem is that most Midwives had a certain “Moral” code and don't want to be responsible for the loss of your baby. There are very few true midwives who are willing to let your baby die, simply so you can have the hands off birth you want. They are special people and are few and far between.
You asked how I would handle such a situation and the only advice I can give you is to be very tricky with your next labor (and you will have to have another baby to make up for the distress of this pregnancy).
Early on in your pregnancy I suggest you place a decoy in the road to make sure your midwife is not indeed a medwife in disguise!
One of the easiest tests to foil is the blood glucose test given at around 20 weeks to scan for Gestational diabetes. Eating the entire time you are supposed to be fasting and then eating during the waiting times between tests should make the results look pretty scary. I suggest you throw the test and see how your midwife reacts.
If she says, “Holy Shit, you need insulin!” then you need to drop her like she’s hot.
If she says that diabetes is a normal part of pregnancy and living then you know you can trust her—and the 20-60 remaining weeks of pregnancy you have left can be with a midwife who deserves your attention!

Mama Tao's Parental Advisory Warning

Guest Blog: Mama Tao's Parental Advisory Warning

by Elderberry

Oh the evil message of modern music

This is why I only allow my children to listen to World Music and Yogic chants.

Please make sure none of your children are looking over your shoulder when you watch this vile propaganda.

It may well be infected with a virus that attempts to vaccinate our babes with embedded theta particle rays while they gaze at the screen.

I wouldn't put anything past Big Pharma or the government at this point.

And for the record, yes vaccines DO cause unsightly cellulite.

Now what I propose is to take a leaf out of the sheeple's book (calm ladies, calm yourselves, let me explain before you take offense at the idea they might ever do anything right) and have our own version of the Parental Advisory Sticker.

I have named it Mama Tao's Parental Advisory Warning  and my strong suggestion is that we post it in the comments of any media, or written word that we think other natural mama's should avoid their children looking at. That way we can protect our babes from insidious, seductive messages like the above horror. And avoid embedded theta particle waves vaccinating or brainwashing our little freethinkers !

I vote we award ZdoggMD with the very first Mama Tao Advisory Warning and let Big Pharma know that we mean BUISNESS !!

All in favour say "Goddess"

Ask Mama Tao--Do Hospital Interventions Exist?

Dear Mama Tao:

Help me learn.  Ever since we hooked our computer up to the internets (used previously only for un-schooling materials, OF COURSE.  Duh.), I have been able to do SO much research on your site.  But I am wondering if you could answer a question about the Cascade of Interventions (TM)?  One of the things I have learned from researching is that merely setting foot inside a hospital guarantees the C of I (TM).  I read it on MDC, so it must be true. 
 Still, I meekly admit that I brought my first two spawn Earthside within the walls of these dens of iniquity and horror.  AND it was a University hospital--you know, the places where the only thing birthed naturally is the Great Conspiracy that enfolds Evil Golf-Playing Doctors, Nurse Ratchets, and Intervening Medwives.  
Even so, I somehow, miraculously, it would seem, defied fate and experienced my first two births WITHOUT the C of I (TM).  AND for one of those I even consented, weakly and in ignorance, to Poison/Pitocin AND AROM.  And now I'm confused.  Does the C of I (TM) really exist?  I admit I lived long in the darkness of utter ignorance about normal birth, and now I know better that the only right way is intervention-free UC.  But I need to solve this one lingering doubt.  My healing depends upon it.  Mother Tao, you have such obvious cosmic wisdom.  Can you set me straight?

(((((((((((((((Mama Tao)))))))))))))))

Signed, BunniesAndFlowers
I have read over your letter many times now and am not sure how to respond. How exactly should one reply when faced with a supposed fan who can lie so boldly and in public no less!
The fact that you say you gave birth without the Cascade of Interventions (TM) is a statement of such dishonestly it makes me jiggly in my legs to even type it!
It is simply impossible for a woman to have ANY type of natural birth in the hospital...
You ma'am are a liar and fraud!
Good Day!

Guest Post--The Elephant Dung In the Room

Guest post by Adhara Centauri
I know you've all been thinking it, but no one is saying it.
OK, so you know how anti-natural, formula-pushing will say things like "we don't pee and poop in public
so why should we breastfeed in public?" Haven't you ever wanted to turn that back around at them?
Why DON'T we pee and poop and public? There are so many benefits to peeing and pooping whenever
and wherever you need to, just like animals and tribal people do.
- Poop is natural fertilizer. We would save tax dollars that go into maintenance of green spaces.
- Poop fosters many species of insects, bacteria, and other cool animals. And I love ALL animals.
I am not speciesist.
- Poop is aromatherapeutic. As a licensed aromatherapist, I can't tell you how many times I
have recommended a day at the zoo or a farm to get that poop smell coursing through you
getting your chakras aligned.
- Poops kills theta particles. Enough said!!!
We should be embracing the idea of pooping in public AT LEAST AS MUCH as breastfeeding
in public because THAT IS HOW IT IS IN NATURE.
Nature knows best.