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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Ask Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
 I’m currently pregnant with twins, and after the birth rape of my first child, I’m considering having a VBAC at home, preferably unassisted, how do I convince my husband that homebirth is MUCH safer than hospital birth, and that Big Pharma is brainwashing the public into believing that hospital birth is superior even though FAR more babies die in the hospital than at home?
Writer,
Much like the advice given yesterday about forcing your husband to breastfeed, scare tactics usually work in these cases. A few good sources of frightening information can be found at the CDC. Try giving your husband a list of the nasty things they put in vaccines and if that does not make him understand that Big Pharma is evil then try adding a few other things such as Aborted Human Fetuses and Toxic Waste. Have him watch some hospital videos of cesarean births where everything seems to go horrendously wrong. If these things don’t work then you must resort to blatant lying and deceit. Tell him that your baby is MORE likely to die in a hospital and that most OBs are surgeons who play golf! If none of this works then have him watch the ultimate fear mongering movie and our Holy Grail of Knowledge, The Business of Being Born
Dear Mama Tao,
I am really concerned with all the "dead baby" cards that seem to be floating around hospitals. We should all get together and make some spiritual "empowering birth" cards and hand them out to women who go into hospitals. Maybe we can all come over to your house and have a spiritual craft workshop?
I totally agree with you there, however it’s very hard for me to have guests. Opening the gates of the Compound requires at least six people—but Big Government has never managed to penetrate. With this in mind I have taken the liberty of making some cards you can copy and print to pass out at your local hospitals. See Below.

Mama Tao,
I need some advice regarding a very difficult situation that my family is in and it is the sole responsibility of money grabbing, evil hospitals and doctors. I was naïve at the tender age of 16 when I was pregnant with my first child. I did unforgiveable things like visit a doctor and have damaging ultrasounds. This was at the advice of my ignorant parents so I cannot accept full responsibility for it. This Devil sent medical practitioner lied to me and told me that my baby was transverse and that I would need to have him ripped from his sanctuary by mutilation of my body.
What he didn't mention was that this extraction would damage my child forever and doom him to an unholy existence and guarantee that he became a psychopath toddler that plots to bite and maim fellow toddlers. I followed his advice and I thought that I was a woman, a mother following this hideous act. Little did I know that I was but a vessel for the persistence of medicalized atrocities. The same baby harming being convinced me that I should repeat the massacre on my body, my baby, my psyche with my second pregnancy when I was 17.
Finally during my third pregnancy when I was 18 (and much wiser) I became enlightened to the way of natural childbirth. I went on to have a variety of different UC. I now have 5 perfect beings derived from the natural journey to become earthside. My problem is that I feel no bond with those first two things that were pulled from me. They are simply beings who live in my natural cow dung constructed abode. They eat our food (which is limited as we scavenge for it by the light of the moon) and take precious nutrition from my 5 true angels. I am so bonded to these 5 angels that no one can tell where I end and they begin. (This does make bathing and sex challenging, but motherhood is about complete personal sacrifice).
 I can no longer look at those first two things and I would like to know if I will be forgiven for my evil act of having a hospital extraction with the two of them if I expel them from my household and erase them from my forever damaged mind. They have had no education as I believe they have no capacity for learning or contributing to society due to my ignorance surrounding how they travelled earthside. I have unschooled the other 5 divine beings and as a result of their natural transition into this world were all able to read and truely understand Shakespearian literature by age 2. Those first two devils are the only two physically able things in our house, so by expelling them it will make moonlight scavenging for subsistence more difficult.
 My 5 true children were blessed by special gifts due to my selfless act of UC-ing them. The brainwashing doctors call these gifts 'disabilities' and claim that they are due to them being UCD, them choosing to come earthside at between 46 and 52 weeks, and my exquisite labours lasting over 2 weeks each. They are so misinformed. I have educated myself by meditating to the Goddess of Serene Earthside transitions and found that these gifts were bestowed on them because I trusted my body to do what it was made to do. This will be compounded by the fact that I am still breastfeeding my 17 and 16 year olds, who demand feed 22 hours out of 24. My life partner and I are prepared to accept this difficulty if it would mean that we would be one step closer to being real, natural parents by getting rid of the products of those traumatic 'births'. Please Mama, tell me if this is the best way to repent for my sins of the past.
Yours in all things natural,
Oaktree Cherryblossom.
Dear Oaktree,
You are perhaps the first true specimen of Woman who has been able to totally separate herself from the products of her Birth Rape. Most of us still have some type of small attachment to our UNNATURAL children, but you seem to have mastered the art of detachment and I applauded you! Seeing as how you can’t truly be asked to live with the cretins anymore, I must suggest you contact your local Child Rescue Org. This idea was modeled after the dog Breed rescue orgs and are also split up into breeds. They contact info is as follows
For White and Asian Kids- www.rescueawhiteorasiankid.org
For Black and Hispanic kids—www.rescueblackandhispanickids.org
And for all other races—www.rescuearandomasskid.org
I hope this was helpful!

6 comments:

  1. I honestly think we need to award Oaktree Cherryblossom the (blessed be her name) Lay Midwife award for self awareness.

    She is truly an inspiration.

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  2. Look i don't want to bring us all down with a misogynistic and capitalistic vibe, but somebody has to say it.....eBay ?

    In a frugal, organic, recycling lifestyle you don't look a gift vegan burger in the eye if you catch my drift.

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  3. Oaktree CherryblossomMarch 19, 2011 at 1:27 PM

    Applestick- thank you for your complement. I am more than willing to lead others on the path to removing all the products of their horrific hospital experiences. Of course no one will ever attain my level of self awareness and holier than thou-ness but I do need an army of minions to spread the word of all things natural to the uneducated sheeple.

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  4. Solstice Pecquer-GheddMarch 19, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    Selling them on eBay is a horrifying suggestion that you will regret for the rest of your lives!! eBay is run by capitalistic pigs. I've heard they might even be Republicans.

    Please, Freecycle your first- and second-extracted instead.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Jesus Christ !!

    You people do not deserve the children you have and I sincerely hope you do not go on to have any more EVER.

    If i had one clue where any of you live you better believe I'd be calling CPS.

    Between here and mothering.com I am losing all hope in humanity.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous go ahead and call THE MAN aka CPS. You will never be a birthing GODDESS with that attitude.

    ReplyDelete