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Monday, April 4, 2011

Statistical Proof that Natural Childbirth is Best

From Mama Tao Staff: After our friend, Kate over at Babble posted this article , I have moved this piece up to further prove her wonderful theory.

By Steyphayni Domberlog

Natural mamas - do you want proof and validation that you are right?  Here it is!
To make this as scientific as anything published in JAMA, I will disclose my sampling methods.  These statistics are based on an extensive and scientific survey of women RANDOMLY SELECTED from my  E-BS-GAD (extended breastfeeding support group and drumcircle).  

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Statistically proven FACT #1:
As the number of birth interventions increase, a mother’s love will decrease.
Simply allowing a medwife to check your baby’s heartbeat with a fetoscope can decrease your love for the baby by over 20%!!  Of course, allowing one such intervention can send you quickly down the Cascade of Interventions™. The above data clearly proves how much love a mother has for her baby after a c-section - almost NONE!  Extracted babies are barely loved at all.
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Statistically proven FACT #2:
Homebirth is the SAFEST kind of birth.
This pretty much says it all!  I’d love to see ANY hospital with this kind of statistic!!
  
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Statistically proven FACT #3:
The vaginal head squeeze is VITAL to future IQ scores.
Every single mama surveyed agreed that the head squeezing that happens in a natural vaginal delivery is VITAL to future intelligence.  The above proves them right!  It’s gotta be that squeeze that makes our kids so very very bright and super extra special.
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See,  WE TOLD YOU SO, mainstream sheeple!!  Here is your precious data that you’ve been nagging us for.  Bet you didn’t expect the statistics would turn out to PROVE we natural mamas are RIGHT and you are wrong.  I mean, I hate to say we told you so but… WE TOLD YOU SO!!
I will continue my research and studies.  Next, I will prove with research and statistics that vaccines cause autism, mental illness, obesity, and    increased crime rates.

23 comments:

  1. See I KNEW I was right !!!

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  2. I don't believe in statistics.

    Think less, trust more !!!

    But I must say these ones are amoung the few that make sense to me (=

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  3. I KNEW there was proof that epidurals cause babies immense pain and turns mamas into crack addicts !!!

    ((((((((((scientific studies))))))))

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  4. I doubt those skeptics will accept it though, they get so picky about minor details like method, bias and rigor..

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  5. Manhattan MidwifeApril 5, 2011 at 3:33 AM

    That pretty much agrees with all my anecdotal evidence collected over the tens of births I have done over the last few decades of full time midwifing. So it must be true.

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  6. ((((((((((science))))))))))))

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  7. I don't need "studies" to tell me that I know how to know what I know, and homebirth ROCKS !!!

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  8. Katie from babble's number one FAN !!!April 5, 2011 at 3:41 AM

    Like that Katie from babble, I too had a bad first birth experience, and like that Katie from babble I kind of wonder if the death of that child might not be that terrible compared to my other children being dead. Thank you for proving that me and Katie from babble are dead normal and just like so much more honest and courageous than your average sheeple for having to courage and honesty to say that our birth experiences were so important to us that disappointment with them had led us to project onto our children and fantasies about them dying in a perfectly natural fashion.

    Yeah for me and that Katie from babble !!!

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  9. Who the hell is katie from babble ?

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  10. I think she is talking about a similar nutjob who blogs on babble. she posted (among other insane bollocks) about how she doesn't love her daughter and fantasies about her dying, alluding to the "bad birth experience" as the cause.

    http://blogs.babble.com/being-pregnant/author/katetiejte/

    I hate to break it to you but plenty of the bloggers on babble make this bunch of lunatics look fairly stable and moderate.

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  11. If you think babble is full of psychos you should check The Feminist Breeder.

    http://thefeministbreeder.com/

    Narcissism and motherhood make for painful reading.

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  12. If anybody wants a crash course in the hardcore crunchy self obsessed madness mindset look no further than this xtranormal vid.

    http://ourdumbblog.blogspot.com/2010/08/conversation-with-crunchy-mom.html

    It's piss yourself funny, and then you think about their poor kids, and you sort of stop laughing.

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  13. Between this study and the huge scineftic endvour that was The Business of Being Born by the renowned scientist Rikki Lake, I think we homebirthers are really holding our own on the anacdata front these days (=

    ((((((((((((homebirth is quite safe really)))))))

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  14. Vagina off anonymous various !!

    this in not the place for anybody who cannot wholeheartedly support all things nature in parenting !!

    You do realize you are putting our unborn and even born children at risk of death and illness with all your negativity !!!

    If any of the moms here have their babies die in free or home birth it will be BLOOD on YOUR hands.

    Cos everybody knows that there are only two causes of bad outcomes in our of hospital birth.

    Negativity vibes infecting the uterus\fetus with a lack of self esteem so they no longer trust birth and forget how to do it.

    And secondly, a mother not choosing her midwife carefully enough by exercising her natural clairvoyant potential by reading the midwife's mind to discover all the carefully hidden data about the wake of dead and damaged babies she has created.

    So please THINK before you post here and put innocent women's birth experiences at risk with all your contagious negative thinking !!!

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  15. Ok so if I have put your babies at additional risk by being negative, does that mean you'll have them in a hospital to avoid a bad outcome BECAUSE you believe them to be at higher risk of terrible outcome ?

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  16. NO !! I am a natural libertraian and my politics come a LONG way before letting you dictate where I give birth !!!!

    I have my priorities in the right place.

    Unlike some.

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  17. This explains SO MUCH about why Shadrach and Meshach, my hospital births, keep bothering me and asking me to get out of bed and play with them and won't take responsibility for schooling themselves! Is there ANY way to make up for this??? If I go ahead and have my ultimate birth performance that I describe here http://themamatao.blogspot.com/2011/03/ask-mama-tao-birthing-pod-cast.html
    will it help even the statistic in any way?

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  18. OMG I went to have a look at the xtranormal video, it is just so on the money, pissed myself laughing, and then felt a bit sick thinking about the reality for a kid with such a self obsessed parent.

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  19. Hmmmm, I think I know where this scientist learned how to do studies. The same places at the alt med types, the anti vaxers and the other home birth fanatics.

    http://madartlab.com/2011/03/24/faking-it/

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  20. I consider KateTietje at babble to be my hero. I have replaced my doctor with her blog posts and will be taking only her adivce on health matters in future.

    At least she doesn't talk down to me about vaccines !!

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  21. Jess, I wouldn't go as far as that, you really do need a doc rather than even good online advice.

    but yes she is very persuasive and makes some very good points. I am now seriously considering home birth for my first baby.

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  22. Katie4President !!April 5, 2011 at 5:04 AM

    Bunnies, I'd take a leaf out of ktie from Babble's book and try telling them that you don't think it would be the end of the world if they died cos the terrible birth expereinces they gave you means you love them less, if at all.

    Only good can come of such couragous honesty.

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  23. I think it's important to note that through attachment therapy and rebirthing, you can sometimes repair the bond destroyed by birth interventions. Sure, there's a risk of your child suffocating, but that's a small price to pay compared to making your child gifted and special like a normally-birthed child!

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