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Saturday, April 9, 2011

All natural skin care

Mama Tao tries natural skin care
By Soleil Moon
Are you looking for all natural ways to keep your skin looking beautiful and maybe some natural make ups that can bring out your natural beauty?? Well, wymyn, look no farther than at home.
Want younger looking skin?? Just collect your menstrual blood and rub some into the skin. It will also help the skin to feel firmer. Blood has so many life giving properties and helps give your skin it’s beautiful coloring. Another tool in this arsenal can be provided by your significant other. That’s right, semen. It firms the skin beautifully. Now, in order to prevent contamination, it must come directly from the source.
Do you want rosey cheeks?? Look at your flower beds! There is a beautiful purple plant, called a Wandering Jew, that you can use. Just rub the leaves onto your cheeks for an instant rouge.
Do you need eyeshadow?? Go no farther than your outside cooking area. Collect the soot and rub on your eyelids as desired!
Need a natural skin cleanser?? Acquire some maize and create a poultice. You can rub this poultice on the skin and rinse off with diluted urine. Urine can also be a fabulous hair cleanser for those of us who no-poo!!
Speaking of hair, did you know you can rub meconium into your tresses for it’s conditioning effects?? For any placenta you don’t cook, you can puree and rub into your hair as a leave in treatment. Shh, I’ve also heard that placenta erases wrinkles, but that’s our secret!
If your partner is still intact, you can use his discharge, called smegma, as a lip balm. He can collect these secretions for you. If you to plump up your lips, add a few drops of jalapeno juice to the smegma. If you want some color, add berry juice!!
If you need a good exfoliation, look no farther than Poison Ivy! It does wonders for the skin. It is nature’s chemical peel. I mean, who needs nasty chemicals on your skin when you can have natural juices on it??

Wymyn, let’s keep this our little secret!! When those chemical-laden women see how beautiful we are, they are bound to be jealous and ask our secret as a way of trying to be like us. We must keep these close to our chest, lest big pharma try to recreate these effects!!

3 comments:

  1. Oaktree CherryblossomApril 10, 2011 at 7:15 AM

    You overlooked the benefits of vernix. Ahh, having that this creamy white paste all over you. It moisturises like no other and is also great for libido. Afterall nature did intend that as soon as one popped out it must be replaced by another, or you are not a real woman. Now the real reason that doctors (wretch) and medwives (vomit in my mouth, but swallow) want to circumsise our babies is to collect their foreskins and scrape off their vernix, in the quiteness of the nursery to concoct an amazing rejuvinating body cream.

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  2. I would have to say that the best skin care I know is semen, in the form of a facial.

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  3. Soleil, do you have any natural recomendations for toe corn removal? I seem to have several right in between my wittle piggies and I'm not sure what to do about it that won't involve violence towards my feets :(

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