By Jade Jymson
Ladies, recently I was reading a wonderful work of art written by a Ms. Gloria Lemay. Many of you might know her as the high school dropout turned Certified Practicing Midwife. One her lovely blog she recently posted and lovely article that apparently had two titles. Title number one was “7 Recipes for Causing Autism!” but apparently the natives were hostile to the idea so she changed it to “7 Recipes for Scrambling the Brain of a Baby”. That’s much better!
Following in her lead I have compiled my own list of 7 things you must do IF you want to give your child Down's syndrome!
1) Read ANY books or scientific studies. The worst enemy of a baby in the womb is knowledge gained from anywhere but the almighty Internet. Since many of you come here for your information, your little bubs should be safe.
2) Drinking any soda or liquids with bubbles in it. Bubbles cause extra gas in your tummy and irritate the uterus causing a slight cramp which leads to Down's Syndrome. You following me, here? Good!
3) Eating a diet that contains meat. Eating an only vegan diet is the way to stay safe. Humans were never meant to eat meat and one can prove this by the fact that our back teeth and flat and our front teeth are sharp for ripping and tearing garden veggies!
4) Listening to the radio. Radio waves are made from sounds and we all know that sounds scramble our brains and even mutate future generations. Bats use sound waves to see and everyone knows that bats are insane—thus the term “Bat Shit Crazy”
5) Having negative thoughts. Our thoughts directly create the truths of the future. A situation is only managed by your positive or negative energy. You CAN think your way out of situations using positive energy.
6) Birthing your baby in a hospital. All hospitals have a potion that gives children Down's Syndrome and they have to produce a certain amount per year to meet quota and keep their government funding. Don’t trust them with your little one.
7) Use Disposable diapers. I know that many of you are wondering how this is possible but it is very true that children can actually get Down's Syndrome after they are born and even up to a year. What it is NOT is a genetic issue, M’kay? Oh, and diapers cause it!
So there you have it ladies! And now that you all know the truth I expect to see the numbers of babies with Down's Syndrome to go crashing DOWN!