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Monday, April 4, 2011

Ask Mama Tao- NATURAL Pooping

Dear Mama Tao,
Forgive me if this is tmi, but I have a moderate degree of pelvic organ prolapse since the 4 (empowering) births of my kids. I have been given the options of physical therapy, a pessary, or surgery to make my yoni youthful again. I was wondering what Mama Tao's advice on how to deal with this might be, (maybe use a potato instead of an unnatural item from Big Pessary?) and then I found this website with the claim that pelvic floor disorders only happen in the west, as a result of eeeevil toilets and eeeevil gyns and those valsalvas they are always forcing us women to do. The product they're selling here also will apparently eliminate your risk of developing hemorrhoids, colon or prostate cancer. By allowing you to stand on the seat of your toilet, and then squat to drop the kids at the pool as nature intended. http://www.naturesplatform.co.uk/site/pelvic_organ_prolapse.php
Thanks,
No More Elvis Pelvis


Dear Elvis Pelvis,
Clearly someone just fell off the turnip truck--and its you. Are you aware that there are products out there that are only made for someone else to make money? This, my dear, is one of those products.
Don't get me wrong--everything he says is true, but do you need to buy some silly devices such as this to help you poop? No!
Nature has made it's own pooping platforms and it's called the ground (or floor).
Around my house we have returned to using the old chamber pot that were so popular back in the days of old. They lower you to the ground and aid in the passing of poopie, but don't cost a small fortune. You can even use you houses pots and pans because urine sterilizes the pot and the germs for the poop are your own, thus safe!
So next time, try using you head and don't get skunked by the snake oil salesmen!! Use you own methods to save your sphincter! 

17 comments:

  1. We poop and pee squatting in the garden, nature's own compost isn't turned into a sea pollutant in this house !!

    Waste nothing, not even waste !!

    ReplyDelete
  2. We tried that implement, but my father fell off it after I insisted he use it for the sake of his colon health.

    With a broken hip he has found it quite hard to use so I feel it was soemthing of a waste of money.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is made of PLASTIC and METAL !!!

    How very inorganic and I bet it was made by Big Pharma !!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You should listen to Mama Tao, and anyway yonis are supposed to be a bit prolasped and droopy after empowered birth, it is your badge of honour for entering True Natural Womanhood, it would be a sin to undone the good work that birth has done.

    ReplyDelete
  5. WaldorfU2WonderfulApril 4, 2011 at 9:27 AM

    I agree with GoblinLover, tghis urge to undo the mark that nature has left upon you are a True Woman indicates to me that your soul is having trouble settling into its latest reincarnation, I'd advise sticking to pastels for all and decoration\art work for the time being, you are not ready yet for strong colours so pick a pale chamber pot.

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  6. Urg Mama Tao I cannot BELIEVE you tell people to piss and poo in kitchen pots, that is disgusting !!!!!
    t
    They should be pooing and peeing on the floor to form the natural, immune system boosting, friendly germ breeding flooring of ancient times !!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Western toilets were invented by a Big Pharma conspiracy to induce record levels of bowel cancer so they could rake in the money with their poison chemo !!!

    don't believe me ? Try wrapping your average toilet in tin foil, it won't work, the ceramic is impregnated with tin foil repellent.

    FACT !!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. EvolutionaryProvenDiet(TM)April 4, 2011 at 10:39 AM

    If you eat an evolutionary proven diet full of organic veggies and avoid most of the food groups entirely you will be so healthy you almost don't pee or poop anymore.

    Rather than fuss over where you eliminate you should concentrate on improving your diet to the point where you do it so rarely that the mode is irrelevant really in the grand scheme of things.

    Most poop and pee in created by Big Phamas multivitamins, so that should be the first thing you should cut out.

    Email for further details, I am an all natural SAHM with a high school education (ish), so you can trust me, education has not robbed me of my natural born intutiative intelligence.

    ReplyDelete
  9. AllThingsNatureInCreationismApril 4, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    She said "evolution" !!

    I am deeply offended and insist that she be censored immediately.

    ReplyDelete
  10. STONE HER !!11!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. yoigicchantsforthebog (TM)April 4, 2011 at 10:45 AM

    go to yogicchantsforthebog.co.uk to solve your bad karma induced toilet time woes.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh I saw one of those on Etsy !!1!

    But it was decorated organic, whimsey, steampunk style and a snip at just 5899 dollars !!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Prolapse organs are like stretch marks, you should be proud of them because they are your badge of honor , you had empowering births and it is all that matters, who cares if your uterus gets a dip in the toilet bowl when you pee!!!
    Orgasmic mama.

    ReplyDelete
  14. FartyFabrics (TM)April 4, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    natural, organic, reusable, absorbent, hand washable, pre-stained, second hand cloth toilet paper available from our eBay shoppe !!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't poop either, my husband and I simply breastfeed each other. All of our nutrients are preserved!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh! It's like the circle of life!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. OMG! pass on the reusable toilet paper! sign me Hepatitis Hettie

    ReplyDelete