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Thursday, May 26, 2011

15 Jokes to Play on Your Midwife/OB

Devil Dolphin knows how to make people laugh

Let's face it ladies, sometimes practitioners can be a bit glib. If your a little "touched" like me then try these fun tricks to liven them up...or render them speechless.

1) Ask them why babies don't get headaches when they are head down in the womb.

2) Tell her you had some feta-like discharge so you made a Greek salad.

3) Fake an orgasm during a pelvic exam

4) Nonchalantly mention that you had sex right before the exam--Won't be a problem will it?

5) Swish with Everclear and whisper "What's up, buttercup?" In her face as you stagger past

6) Put a small toy in you vagina and tell her that she gets one with every Happymeal. Collect all Five!

7) Talk to your vagina during the exam...

8) Raise your pitch and have your vagina talk back to you.

9) Rave about how excellent your gender reassignment surgery went.

10) Ask her "If patting the baby's back "up" makes her burp, will patting the baby's back "down" make her fart?"

11) Tell her you were not happy with your labor and you want her to help you reinsert your infant so that you may try again. ( Increase child's age for more hilarity)

12) Tell her you don't trust Dolphins to be the midwife at your birth--But would she mind if you brought one as a Doula?

13) During the examination say "My husband lost his keys the other day." Wait for a standard response and then "Could you check for them while you're looking around in there?"

14) Wear knee high lace up boots under a simple peasent skirt--Hey Midwife, take a walk on the wild side

15) If your Practitioner is a male, when he places the baby in your arms say "He looks just like you!"

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