The Hills are ALIVE with the sound of MUSIK

Now this is a story all about how,

Our boobs got flipped, turned upside down.

And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there,

I’ll tell you how I became the Queen of this thing called Nature.


In the west of the suburbs, born and raised,

At the chiro, is where I spend most of my days.

Lactating, AP’ing, doing yoga in the nude,

And passing out awareness cards inside of Whole Foods.


When a couple of bitches, who were up to no good,

Started bottle feeding in my neighborhood.

I gave them one little tip and they got mad.

I tell you, why can’t they see that breastfeeding is so rad?


I whistled for my pals and when they came near,

I could smell strong incense, patchouli, and their unwashed hair.

If anything, I saw that they started to fret,

But I thought, nah forget it, let’s go to Target!


We were blocking the aisles by seven or eight,

And we yelled at the shoppers, “My baby has to eat!”

Breastfeeding our babies, we were finally there,

To sit on our thrones, as the Queens of Nature.

~~ Lyrics by DJ *D*S*C

Screw the Flu

Pffft, come on now ladies!! Too many Big Pharma shills trying to make you sick with things like "flu shots" since if they make you sick you'll see the doctor more often and then they will get more kickbacks from Big Pharma for all the RX drugs they give you.  Don't be duped.

The Flu is just Dark matter and the Flu vaccine is a joke.

So don't be a sucker, avoid toxic vaccines.  

1. Drink some Placenta infused whiskey tinicture
2. use Kale leaves to wipe the babies nose then Mama should eat them so she can produce antibodies in her milk for the baby. This also works for anyone else in the family you want to feed your breast milk

DON'T FORGET THE ONIONS

Last minute gift ideaz

I saw some other bloggers making midwifery bags for their spawn and I was appalled at how lame those were and how much was lacking from them.  come on now, letz get real for a moment and teach 'EM what being a DEM is really all about.  SO I MADE some of my own and you can too!

Here is a layout of the entire kit and caboodle that I threw together

~ A *WINNER* sticker since everyone one who has a HBAC is a winner unlike those losers who birth with OBs, MFM, or CNM in hospitals
~ Some Iodine so you can pretend you give a shit a bout infection controling
~ Some suture....ahaha poor sucker not like you'll ever use this and you can just tell Moma to keep her legs closer for 6 weeks since nachural healing is better than stitcheded
~A suture removal kit since yeah you'll fuck up her cooter even worse f you actually try to sew her up and need to remove that shit

 ~Some hand knitted floating pooopies
~A net so you can catch those floaters and sift them out of the kiddie pool that Moma is birfing in so she doesn't realize how damn fithy that water really is
~ A bag of expired meds that you have no idea how to use.  Hope the 9-1-1 operator can help you when moma has a PPH
~A bottle of EVERCLEAR Grain Alcohol (for you to drink and Moma) 190 PROOF make REALLY REALLY REALLY sure Mum fogetz how fucking horrible it and you were

 ~A doobie to set the mood of the room
~A play stethoscope...let's be real here a DEM doesn't know WTF to do with a real one so a pretend one is way cheaper to buy

 ~Some ACV since well I put that shit on everything
~ Fake blood concentrate.  To add to the realizm in teh brif pool
~A flashlight for looking up Moma's Yoni

 ~Blueberry infused Coffee and some industrial tubing.  Don't forget about the Coffee Enema
~ A Patchouli scented candle to cover the smell of ganja, poop, vomit and teh odder birf smellz
~ Don't forget something to knit so you can look busy while you tell Moma "TRUST BIRTH" and sit on your ass

 A beautiful organic hemp bag with *MIDWITCH* emblazed across it so evrybody knows zactly what you do

ANNNNNNNNNNND Some potassium chloride to kill the bitch with no trace so you can make an escape if  something goes wrongs....pfffft who pays for malpracticing insurance

Oh and ALWAYZ take homebirth pictures in black and white....NObodyz needs to see how nasty that shit it

This is How We (Should ) Do It!

The recent fight with the Creamy Mama's  and Guggie lovers has brought us some very good examples of the proper way to fight. I love each and every one of you for stepping in and giving Mama Tao some love, but I have to admit that many of you were using facts and logic to fight these womyn.

While we fought the good fight, I have to admit that we lost this round and here is why...We don't know how to fight like they do. Our problems is that we try to reason with them when clearly the point of an argument is to make them feel bad and attack their personal choices and especially their children.

That last one being a trick of such vile nature that even I'm not going to touch it. despite what the haters say, I will only ever attack what a person says in a public forum or medium. Your beliefs and families and children will be kept out of it. And I mean this.

However that does not mean that YOU , my dear followers can't learn a bit about how to fight from the comments that I, Jade Jymson, received from the thread. Here are a few ideas ladies:

aww, you gotta hate on Guggie.. you must be super jealous, or better yet, super bored, to sit and write a blog about someone who helps hundreds of ppl everyday... you muct feel like a super douche... wow, get a life and do somethign constuctive with your time

Jade, you and your thuggish followers are nothing but Sh!t on the bottom of a shoe. You're a sad, sorry excuse for mama. I pity your sorry children for having a mama that is such a disgrace. I guess you posted this for popularity, mean girl. Hopefully I'm blessed to never stumble upon your blog again! ~ Peaceful Mama

That is what you like to attract, right? Like attracts like. Look at you, willing to sell out your own cheerleaders. Your '7 viral vectors' would truly be blessed had you miscarried or aborted them. Maybe we should do the world a huge favor; sew you mouth and vagina shut! Now that would gain notable applause! ;)  ~ Sleeping Giant

See? Are those not some lovely comments? That is how we do it ladies. Read and learn!

What's So Offensive About Guggie? An Easter Story

While most of us are all busy shunning Nestle' this Easter Season, Mr. Guggie Daly of The Daily Guggie Daly, has been pissing off Christian and C-section Mama's left and right. Why the fuss? Apparently Ms. Daly has compared the Crucifixion  of Christ to C-Sections, Circumcision, Miscarriages and Vaccinations. Yes, many Mama's have been left feeling like Cookie Monster singing "One of these things is not like the other things" Meanwhile she had taken liberties with a popular hymn and used it for her advantage.

I also like to play this game, so in defense of Guggie I have made my own offensive comparisons!

For Example:

This...

Baby born during C-Section

Is like this...

Rape Victim

This...

Birth Control Pills

Is like this..

German Chart showing how the Eugenics program could save the German Race

But most importantly that this:

Is like this:

As you can see, all of these things are very much the same. I think Guggie would feel that way too. Have I offended anyone? I doubt it. Perhaps it's because I have tact pity for your eyeballs. Go on over and check out Guggie's post though. She won't have pity on you.