The Hills are ALIVE with the sound of MUSIK

Now this is a story all about how,

Our boobs got flipped, turned upside down.

And I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there,

I’ll tell you how I became the Queen of this thing called Nature.


In the west of the suburbs, born and raised,

At the chiro, is where I spend most of my days.

Lactating, AP’ing, doing yoga in the nude,

And passing out awareness cards inside of Whole Foods.


When a couple of bitches, who were up to no good,

Started bottle feeding in my neighborhood.

I gave them one little tip and they got mad.

I tell you, why can’t they see that breastfeeding is so rad?


I whistled for my pals and when they came near,

I could smell strong incense, patchouli, and their unwashed hair.

If anything, I saw that they started to fret,

But I thought, nah forget it, let’s go to Target!


We were blocking the aisles by seven or eight,

And we yelled at the shoppers, “My baby has to eat!”

Breastfeeding our babies, we were finally there,

To sit on our thrones, as the Queens of Nature.

~~ Lyrics by DJ *D*S*C

Emily: A Lesson in Logical Fallacies

A few days ago I was trolling over at The Skeptical OB, like I normally do on Sundays, when I came across a young NCBer who wast trying to call Dr. Amy out for being a troll. Now we all know Dr. Amy is a troll, but not by the definitions that this young woman named "Emily" was using.

Emily stated that Dr. Amy was a troll because she was mean and ugly. I did some research at my old University  and found the real definition of "Troll" and provided it to Emily so that she may better her trolling skills. I also offered to teach her about the noble art of SPAM.

In a moment of embarrassment for misunderstanding the term "troll", Emily deleted her post....but she later returned....as Ginger. Now rememeber that "Emily" is "Ginger" even when she is "Emily".

Ginger:
TROLL
noun/trōl/

The action of trolling for fish

A line or bait used in such fishing

An e-mail message or posting on the Internet intended to provoke an indignant response in the reader

. . . . . .

Sorry but you ARE a troll. You troll websites, comments sections, profiles, just to find someone to beat up on. Do you really think that kind of behavior commands respect? If you want to be the authority, you don't gain it by being a bully to silly mom bloggers on Babble. That just makes you a troll, not a serious professional to be given respect.

One thing that sticks out in my mind is your post "sure my baby died but look at the benefits to me." I'm still disgusted by that. Some woman who had her baby die at a home birth, and you were vicious! Instead of reaching out, asking her to see where she went wrong, explain how she was lied to by her midwife, maybe tell her story on Hurt By Homebirth, you FOLLOWED her around the internet. You copy and pasted her grieving words on a spiritual website and made fun of her! What kind of a professional does that? Why do you think you should be treated as a valid member of the medical community when you write things like that?

I hate to break it to you, but you say MUCH worse DAILY about women than calling them a troll.

Your tactics will be your undoing.

Mama Tao: Welcome back, Emily! I see you have changed your name and updated your reply to contain some of the information I gave you last time. Your trolling is coming along just fine, Emily. I super proud of you. You were totally right to cut and run last time because that answer was weak baby. Glad you're learning.
Come see me sometime themamatao.blogspot.com
Bye Emily!

Mama Tao: Now for your second lesson, Emily--SPAM!

Years ago, Emily, when the internet was new and a website was attacked by a troll, all of the members of that site would run off the troll by repeating the word SPAM (Yes, just like Monty Python!!)
Now Emily, I will show you how that works, Emily!

Mama Tao: SPAM

Mama Tao: SPAM

Mama Tao: SPAM

Mama Tao :You see what I'm doing here, Emily?  SPAM

Mama Tao: SPAM

Mama Tao:Now you try, Emily....say SPAM! Mama Tao:Say SPAM , Emily....

Mama Tao:EMILY!!! Where are you? SPAM

Mama Tao: SPAM?

[Now at this point, you're prolly thinking like I was: that kooky Emily was not going to reply....but she does! The next part has edited out some random people because they bore me]

Emily:Dear Mama Tao,

Are you stoned? On your second quart of box wine? Out of Xanax? Because you sound like a freak.

I'm not "Emily". Believe it or not, there are many people out there who think Dr. Amys personal vendettas and toxic demeanor ruin her message. And replying with the word "spam" 10 times just reinforces the point. Childish and closed-minded.

I will congratulate you however on having the most trivial and immature response seen on a blog to date. Well done.

Now get back to working on your mediocre parody birth blog. Instead of pestering people and embarrassing yourself, you need to focus on new material. That blog you pedal all over the internet is getting old fast. It makes a knock knock joke sound refreshing and innovative.

attitude devant :the word is "peddle" Ginger [She means Emily]

Emily: Thank you attitude devant.

That was a very important notation. I am writing a formal complaint to Steve Jobs at Apple regarding that auto correct suggestion and how it completely changed the meaning and tone of the comment. I'm glad you specifically (and swiftly) responded to my terrible error.

In the future, I will submit all hastily typed messages on a three inch keyboard to a formal editor so as not to confuse you with any horrific mistakes (see above). My deepest apologies.



Or maybe you are just being obnoxious and the only mistake you could argue with is an auto correct suggestion.

Emily: [Now here, Emily uses her real name and stops playing Ginger...I am guessing she thinks that I don't know Ginger is Emily] LOL, this is not me. I have no problem posting under my name. I deleted my original comment because I didn't need negativity and stress over something ridiculous

Mama Tao: Now now Emily, You doth protest too much! Now that you have two profiles going on
I'm getting a bit confused :/ Oh well!

SPAM
S
P
A
M
!
And Emily, It's really easy to attack a straw man, but most people don't waste time doing it! You're extra special!
Just remember that opinions are like assholes, and yours...........has prolly merged with your vagina after your 4th degree tear you refuse to have fixed after your 4th UC homebirth! It makes you a natural womyn, Emily! Rock it out!

Last minute gift ideaz

I saw some other bloggers making midwifery bags for their spawn and I was appalled at how lame those were and how much was lacking from them.  come on now, letz get real for a moment and teach 'EM what being a DEM is really all about.  SO I MADE some of my own and you can too!

Here is a layout of the entire kit and caboodle that I threw together

~ A *WINNER* sticker since everyone one who has a HBAC is a winner unlike those losers who birth with OBs, MFM, or CNM in hospitals
~ Some Iodine so you can pretend you give a shit a bout infection controling
~ Some suture....ahaha poor sucker not like you'll ever use this and you can just tell Moma to keep her legs closer for 6 weeks since nachural healing is better than stitcheded
~A suture removal kit since yeah you'll fuck up her cooter even worse f you actually try to sew her up and need to remove that shit

 ~Some hand knitted floating pooopies
~A net so you can catch those floaters and sift them out of the kiddie pool that Moma is birfing in so she doesn't realize how damn fithy that water really is
~ A bag of expired meds that you have no idea how to use.  Hope the 9-1-1 operator can help you when moma has a PPH
~A bottle of EVERCLEAR Grain Alcohol (for you to drink and Moma) 190 PROOF make REALLY REALLY REALLY sure Mum fogetz how fucking horrible it and you were

 ~A doobie to set the mood of the room
~A play stethoscope...let's be real here a DEM doesn't know WTF to do with a real one so a pretend one is way cheaper to buy

 ~Some ACV since well I put that shit on everything
~ Fake blood concentrate.  To add to the realizm in teh brif pool
~A flashlight for looking up Moma's Yoni

 ~Blueberry infused Coffee and some industrial tubing.  Don't forget about the Coffee Enema
~ A Patchouli scented candle to cover the smell of ganja, poop, vomit and teh odder birf smellz
~ Don't forget something to knit so you can look busy while you tell Moma "TRUST BIRTH" and sit on your ass

 A beautiful organic hemp bag with *MIDWITCH* emblazed across it so evrybody knows zactly what you do

ANNNNNNNNNNND Some potassium chloride to kill the bitch with no trace so you can make an escape if  something goes wrongs....pfffft who pays for malpracticing insurance

Oh and ALWAYZ take homebirth pictures in black and white....NObodyz needs to see how nasty that shit it