What is that awful smell??

Well as you bitches already know Mama Tao is all about all things nachural and parenting.  While chit chatting with one of my awesomesauce crunchtastic mama friends she mentioned doing ACV (apple cider vinegar for those of you creamy posers who read my shit) rinse on her hair and how it left it so ammmmmmmmmmmazing.  Shocked that there was a use for ACV that I had already not tried, I knew I had to try this as.soon.as.fucking.possible.

Seeing as I'm very natural it was a few weeks before I was due for a good scrubbing and today was the day that I tried it.   

So I filled up a recycled glass tumbler of AVC and headed for the showers.....

then things got interesting

first the vinegar mixed with the shower steam loosened all of my secretions in my sinuses so I took about 15 or 20 minutes blowing snot rockets around the shower to get all the old junk out of there (calm your tits bitches no precious water was wasted I used recycled rain water for my shower then I use it to water my organic 'erb garden).  After the snoz was cleared out I did my usual routine, rebraided my armpit hair etc.  Then came time to do the rinse...

Well she said mix 50:50 water and AVC and put it on after you shampoo, rub it into your scalp wait a few minutes then rinse it all out.

MEH, OKAY easy enough I though....... BUT I WAS FUCKING WRONG

As soon as I dumped that cup over my head the ACV STUNG my eye like the venom of A THOUSAND SCORPIONS and I could not see worth shit.  So of course I stepped in some left over snot rockets and slipped crashing my naked ass out of the shower...Oh but it gets better..

Once I could get my snotty, wet naked ass up and back into the shower I tried to rinse that stuff out.  And try as I might, THE STANK would not leave me.

So now Mama Tao smells like a cross between cheap salad dressing and the ladies room at the playboy mansion.  THAT'S RIGHT I SMELL LIKE A GIANT WALKING BOTTLE OF MASSENGILL DOUCHE.  That's right DOUCHE.  So my official stance on ACV rinse is FUCK THAT NOISE, I'M STICKING TO NATURAL PLACENTA SHAMPOO!!!!! 

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Therez is nothing natural about douche, don't put it in your yoni don't put it on your hair....... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjAPoN8qs0Q

Mama Tao Out

Ask Mama Tao--Solidless Vitamins

Dear MamaTao,

I am a firm believer that "Breast is best", but I am conflicted in regards to my childrens' nutritional needs.

My dear son, Bean, is nine months old, and my Bowen therapist recommended that his iron intake be increased. Of course formula is not an option (poison). I am not ready to let solid food interfere with our breastfeeding relationship. I would like to feed him exclusively from my body until he is two. One option I had considered was dissolving one of my placenta capsules into some breastmilk, but I wondered. can I simply open a vein and feed him some of my blood?

Thanks for your advice,
B. Swan

B Swan,
Feeding your child milk from your breast is the exact same as giving him blood. That is why it's ok for you to keep breastfeeding while your nipples are spouting the red kroovy. Iron is an important part of the diet and with you wanting to delay solids until 2 (and who would not? Why deal with solid poops until you have to?) I would suggest you use the "other" mouth the body has.

A nice iron enema will be the perfect way to get your little one's precious metals while also never letting him sample the solid joys of life.

There are also a number of other "bum shots" one can perform to raise vitamin levels. An ounce of orange juice gives Vitamin C, while exposing the anus to the sun raises Vitamin D.

I wish your little vampire the best of luck!

~Mama Tao~