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Sunday, February 3, 2013

All natural skin care




Are you looking for all natural ways to keep your skin looking 

beautiful and maybe some natural make ups that can bring out your

natural beauty?? Well, wymyn, look no farther than at home. Want

younger looking skin?? Just collect your menstrual blood and rub

some into the skin. It will also help the skin to feel firmer. 

Blood has so many life giving properties and helps give your skin

it’s beautiful coloring. Another tool in this arsenal can be 

provided by your significant other. That’s right, semen. It firms

the skin beautifully. Now, in order to prevent contamination, it

must come directly from the source. 

Do you want rosey cheeks?? 

Look at your flower beds! There is a beautiful purple plant, 

called a Wandering Jew, that you can use. Just rub the leaves 

onto your cheeks for an instant rouge.


Need a natural skin cleanser?? Acquire some maize and create a 

poultice. You can rub this poultice on the skin and rinse off 

with diluted urine. Urine can also be a fabulous hair cleanser 

for those of us who no-poo!! 

Speaking of hair, did you know you can rub meconium into your 

tresses for it’s conditioning effects?? For any placenta you 

don’t cook, you can puree and rub into your hair as a leave in 

treatment. Shh, I’ve also heard that placenta erases wrinkles,

but that’s our secret!


If your partner is still intact, you can use his discharge,

called smegma, as a lip balm. He can collect these secretions

for you. If you to plump up your lips, add a few drops of 

jalapeno juice to the smegma. If you want some color, add berry 

juice!!

Do you need eyeshadow?? Go no farther than your outside cooking 

area. Collect the soot and rub on your eyelids as desired! 

If you need a good exfoliation, look no farther than Poison Ivy!

It does wonders for the skin. It is nature’s chemical peel. I 

mean, who needs nasty chemicals on your skin when you can have 

natural juices on it??
Wymyn, let’s keep this our little secret!! When those chemical-

laden women see how beautiful we are, they are bound to be 

jealous and ask our secret as a way of trying to be like us. We 

must keep these close to our chest, lest big pharma try to 

recreate these effects!!

5 comments:

  1. Since my partner had his foreskin mutilated as a helpless baby, I am deprived of my source of smegma. Now my lips must forever remain pale and thin. Woe is me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have another to add: my elderly kitty drools a fair bit when she's being cuddled, or is happy. The other night she was so pleased with life, she was drooling up a storm. She then did a bit of a cough, and shook her head, sending drool flying all over my face. I was a little unimpressed, and used a tissue to wipe it off. It took all my make up off, and left my skin squeaky clean. From now on, I shall be cleansing in kitty drool, no more chemical laden cleansers and soaps for me... I may even market it if I can get her to drool enough! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have another to add: my elderly kitty drools a fair bit when she's being cuddled, or is happy. The other night she was so pleased with life, she was drooling up a storm. She then did a bit of a cough, and shook her head, sending drool flying all over my face. I was a little unimpressed, and used a tissue to wipe it off. It took all my make up off, and left my skin squeaky clean. From now on, I shall be cleansing in kitty drool, no more chemical laden cleansers and soaps for me... I may even market it if I can get her to drool enough! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. These four products here are some I've been enjoying for the past few weeks,

    ReplyDelete