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Sunday, December 30, 2012


I has some angryz right now.  I thought Lacitivist were supposed to be enlightened to all the nachural wayz??  "They are!" you say.... Well then WHY TEH FUK are they doing this?
"Why are you so outspoken about the topic of hats on newborns?
My first concern is safety, my second is experience....and as it turns out the experience of birth is what triggers the built in safety mechanisms. This is also true for third stage. Mom being able to smell her newborn’s head is the design for the REconnection of mother and baby (smell of baby to olfactory system to limbic system = initiation of “identification” biology) AND release of oxytocin signaling the uterus to release placenta and stop bleeding so necessary for mother’s health. In addition to hats interfering with bonding and safety of third stage, hatting restricts the UNmoulding of the baby’s skull. The hats we use in the U.S. do NOTHING for maintenance of core temp according to the studies I have found, and in fact one study showed that a hat was detrimental to maintenance of core temp. Brain cooling may actually be good for all babies and not those who have potential brain damage. And studies show that nakey, skin to skin with mom is most effective way to stabilize core temperature and that, in fact, her body will heat and cool as needed for baby’s sake as it did when baby was inside. Brilliant! We cannot improve on this design. Why do we keep trying? We are so peer dependent. One midwife does it, one birth supply house sells them and we are off to the races. We have to do what everyone else does. My challenge is that we do NOTHING unless we know why or why not, even if every other midwife we know is doing it. I never have and would NEVER put a hat on a newborn and I am hoping that in my lifetime, I can have some effect on other people doing the research and ditching the hats." -Carla HartleyThere is nothing nachural about hatting your babe EVAR.  Still not nachural even if you make it look like a perfect pre-baby making days boobie.  You are messing up the mama infant bond with hats.  So damnit mamas Off with Their Hats!

"Please do the research...Stop hatting are screwing up bonding...the olfactory system takes those lovely pheromones coming right out the top of the baby's head straight to its mamma's deep limbic system where it is WAITING for her baby's smell....not some other smell....HER baby's smell. Hats do not keep baby warmer and indeed unless you are birthing naked on the tundra the best way to keep baby warm anyway is old fashioned skin to skin....put NOTHING between mamma and baby. And while I am preaching.....consider the fact that the hat impedes the UNmoulding of the head. Baby hats are NOT natural. When I see home birth midwives —who should know better— putting hats on babies in all these youtube videos I want to scream. You are messing with something way above your paygrade. Mammas are supposed to have access to all that there baby has to offer...and vice versa."-Carla Hartley

Put down the damn knitting needles.  Or better yet here is a list of TEN (10) useful things you busybodiez could make instead. 

1. Felted breast pads. So Mama can catch every last drop of teh liquid Gold and wring it out into bebes mouth.  Never waste a SINGLE DROP
 2. Squid Menstrual cup cozy.  Now your diva cup will always be snuggly and easy to find and any extra blood will just look like squid ink
 3. tampons easy peasy and a quick knit so you can easily make your mama friend and entire bouquet of them using up your scrap yarnz
 4. Mama Cloth For catching the lochia since nothing goes in the VAAAAAAAAAAGINA for 6+ weeks after that ahhhhhhhhhhh-mazing HBAMC.  Keeps those knees closed.
 5. Cthulhu Cocksock needz no 'splainin obviously

6.  Anatomically Correct Childbirth Education Doll This is a great sibling gift for LOs who's Mama will be having a Homebirth soon.  Great for preparing them for when Mama is having teh bebe
7. knit turds These go great with the Childbirth dolly so that kidlets are not alarmed by all the giant turds that will be floating 'round the birthing tub.  You can even buy them fishing nets and make catching mamas poops a game for them.
8. A VA-VA-Vulva Great for using as a focal point during labor surges.  Mama can vissulize her cooter growing to a massive size as she shoots her 11+lb bebe down through the love canal
9. Seamless Pecker warming bag Keep Daddy modest and you from having to see turtle dick when he hops out of the birth tub to refill your raspberry leaf tea.
10. A Headband for Mama Mama can use this to keep her dreadlokz out of the tub during labor and out of her face when bonding with her new bebe so nothin is in the way of their faces

click these to get the patterns shown above


  1. Must order the cozy now!

  2. I haven't laughed this hard in ages. Nacheral people are NASTY. Like, honey badger nasty. Lmao!

  3. As a knitter, I am embarrassed on behalf of knitters. Why all the krunchy krap, knitters? Why?

  4. I actually quite like the headband, but I don't have dreads, so I'm probably not allowed to get one! ;)

    My husbands grandmother had bi-polar, one Christmas, in a manic phase, she knitted "willy-warmers" for all the men in the family. He says he will remember his Dad's face, forever, on Christmas day. She clearly knew what she was about, 25 years ago...
    My daughter is starting to ask about birth, how babies are made etc, clearly I need to get knitting and make her a birth dolly so I can explain and show her in graphic detail.....

    1. Anonymous, this made my day. I snorted coffee through my nose and it was worth the stinging and burning.