Mr. TAO is Jealous

 So apparently Mama Tao has a secret admirer for St. Valentine's day!!! Oh boy was I surprised when I went to the mailbox and discovered a box with no return address.  
Being the free loving spirit and trusting soul that I am of course I opened and awwwwwwwwww

Isn't the face just the most precious babe that you've ever seen ((((((( <3 )))))))

And the the animation in the eyes is just so lovely

Is that a Placenta?!?!?!

Delayed cord clamping FTW!!!!

Awww someone knows me so well a Mama who would sooner have her arm cut off than ruin her child's vagina birth! Mr. Tao is not thrilled that someone else got me such a personal gift, but he's still a great lover!
Hmmmm This pair need names.  Any suggestions?

Happy St. Valentine's day to everyone

Love always,

Mama Tao

Get by with a little help from this friend

Be sure to leave your results in the comments or on my Facebook page

Nemo? Isn't he a gimp fish

Nemo is coming for the East Coast

What a bunch of pansies we have here in.  Goddamn people this is New England, snow it happens.  And we are land of the massholes since when do we go run and hide over a measly few feet of snow??

And Mama Tao, Mr. Tao and the entire themamatao.com team will be damned if the gubment is going to tell us what to do!  

So just for our fans we have some pictures of how to drive right in this snow.  How you ask? Why in  a VW bus of course.

Don't be a dumbass and try and use a fancy smancy plow truck.

Stay tuned, after we're done playing in the snow.  We'll be updating with some storm safety tips.

Namaste my friends

All natural skin care

Are you looking for all natural ways to keep your skin looking 

beautiful and maybe some natural make ups that can bring out your

natural beauty?? Well, wymyn, look no farther than at home. Want

younger looking skin?? Just collect your menstrual blood and rub

some into the skin. It will also help the skin to feel firmer. 

Blood has so many life giving properties and helps give your skin

it’s beautiful coloring. Another tool in this arsenal can be 

provided by your significant other. That’s right, semen. It firms

the skin beautifully. Now, in order to prevent contamination, it

must come directly from the source. 

Do you want rosey cheeks?? 

Look at your flower beds! There is a beautiful purple plant, 

called a Wandering Jew, that you can use. Just rub the leaves 

onto your cheeks for an instant rouge.


Need a natural skin cleanser?? Acquire some maize and create a 

poultice. You can rub this poultice on the skin and rinse off 

with diluted urine. Urine can also be a fabulous hair cleanser 

for those of us who no-poo!! 

Speaking of hair, did you know you can rub meconium into your 

tresses for it’s conditioning effects?? For any placenta you 

don’t cook, you can puree and rub into your hair as a leave in 

treatment. Shh, I’ve also heard that placenta erases wrinkles,

but that’s our secret!


If your partner is still intact, you can use his discharge,

called smegma, as a lip balm. He can collect these secretions

for you. If you to plump up your lips, add a few drops of 

jalapeno juice to the smegma. If you want some color, add berry 

juice!!

Do you need eyeshadow?? Go no farther than your outside cooking 

area. Collect the soot and rub on your eyelids as desired! 

If you need a good exfoliation, look no farther than Poison Ivy!

It does wonders for the skin. It is nature’s chemical peel. I 

mean, who needs nasty chemicals on your skin when you can have 

natural juices on it??
Wymyn, let’s keep this our little secret!! When those chemical-

laden women see how beautiful we are, they are bound to be 

jealous and ask our secret as a way of trying to be like us. We 

must keep these close to our chest, lest big pharma try to 

recreate these effects!!

What is that awful smell??

Well as you bitches already know Mama Tao is all about all things nachural and parenting.  While chit chatting with one of my awesomesauce crunchtastic mama friends she mentioned doing ACV (apple cider vinegar for those of you creamy posers who read my shit) rinse on her hair and how it left it so ammmmmmmmmmmazing.  Shocked that there was a use for ACV that I had already not tried, I knew I had to try this as.soon.as.fucking.possible.

Seeing as I'm very natural it was a few weeks before I was due for a good scrubbing and today was the day that I tried it.   

So I filled up a recycled glass tumbler of AVC and headed for the showers.....

then things got interesting

first the vinegar mixed with the shower steam loosened all of my secretions in my sinuses so I took about 15 or 20 minutes blowing snot rockets around the shower to get all the old junk out of there (calm your tits bitches no precious water was wasted I used recycled rain water for my shower then I use it to water my organic 'erb garden).  After the snoz was cleared out I did my usual routine, rebraided my armpit hair etc.  Then came time to do the rinse...

Well she said mix 50:50 water and AVC and put it on after you shampoo, rub it into your scalp wait a few minutes then rinse it all out.

MEH, OKAY easy enough I though....... BUT I WAS FUCKING WRONG

As soon as I dumped that cup over my head the ACV STUNG my eye like the venom of A THOUSAND SCORPIONS and I could not see worth shit.  So of course I stepped in some left over snot rockets and slipped crashing my naked ass out of the shower...Oh but it gets better..

Once I could get my snotty, wet naked ass up and back into the shower I tried to rinse that stuff out.  And try as I might, THE STANK would not leave me.

So now Mama Tao smells like a cross between cheap salad dressing and the ladies room at the playboy mansion.  THAT'S RIGHT I SMELL LIKE A GIANT WALKING BOTTLE OF MASSENGILL DOUCHE.  That's right DOUCHE.  So my official stance on ACV rinse is FUCK THAT NOISE, I'M STICKING TO NATURAL PLACENTA SHAMPOO!!!!! 

.

.

.

Therez is nothing natural about douche, don't put it in your yoni don't put it on your hair....... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjAPoN8qs0Q

Mama Tao Out

Empowring UBA2C

First I would like to thank Mama Tao for giving me a place to tell my story.  It is my hope to inspire women to know that their bodies aren't broken and all you have to do is believe for miraculous things to happen.

My Name is Mimi RaRa and my story starts almost 4 years ago when I fell pregnant with my first child.  It is now hard to look back at that time with any joy knowing what I know now.  I chose OB care and hospital delivery.  I believe that I was forced into a C-Section.  They did everything all the real moms told me they would to scare me.  They told me at an ultrasound that my baby was suspected to be over 10lbs.  When I didn't go into labor at 41 weeks they said I needed to be induced to ensure the survival of my baby.  I didn't know it then but they were clearly trying to schedule my birth around their whims and PLAYING THE DEAD BABY CARD.  But I was just a sheeple and I allowed the induction.  Well after the cascade of interventions my baby went into distress and they took her by C-Section.  At the time I was overjoyed but now all I can look back and feel is frustration and anger.  Avalia Louise was born at 11lb 2oz with a 2x nuchal cord.  Those horror show physicians made me think they did me a great favor and saved the life of my daughter.  But really they are ones that endangered it in the first place.

I found I was pregnant with DD2 at my 6 week check-up.  I was happily railroaded into another section because they felt my pregnancies were too close together.  My little La Ja'na Tulip was 10lb 6oz.  At the time life was blissful, I had my 2 little girls and things just couldn't be better. 

Now that I was Mom to 2 babies I looked to the internet for some entertainment and socializizing.  And that is where I learned about the horror of birthrape that was forced upon myself.

I started reading and talking with any and everyone I could.  I got angrier and angrier.  How dare these "doctors" doubt my boby and my baby.  We as women are made to do this.  Our babies have an innate innteligence they do not grow too large, nor do they come before they are ready.  Like the fruit on the vine.  I knew what I needed to do.  I needed to have a healing natural birth.  I had to show myself and the world that a baby could pass from my vagina.  I learned through the culture of the group I was entering that a baby passing through my vagina was the only way I was ever going to be a real empowered mother and woman.  I didn't really want another child but how else was I going to heal?

I became pregnant quite quickly after my decision.  I was so thrilled at the thought of having my natural healing birth.  But as all my new friends told me the doctors told me that the safer option was RCS.  No matter how many google printoffs I showed them, no matter how many articles on Ina May I gave them they wouldn't budge.  I could not fail again.  So I left OB care and decided to UC my baby at home.  My vagina was going to open and a baby was going to come out of it.  It is what my body was made to do. 

The rest of my pregnancy was easy breezy.  Late one night I started to feel low slow rushes and I knew the time was near.  I swayed to the song of my cervix until the rushes were becoming hard to stand through.  So I grabbed my camera and got into the tub.  The moment was almost here!  I was going to get my stingray.  No more tiny vagina for me. 

                                            

There's my tub full of my home flora and fauna and germs.  No more taking risks getting something awful from a supposedly sterile hospital.

                                           

The rushes were getting almost unbearable.  But finally my water broke!  The time for my vagina to come into empowerment was here.                                         

I started to feel the urge to push.  So I pushed will all my might.  And well sometimes shit happens.  But it was natural so I just pushed on.

                                         

It was a grueling 6 hours of pushing, but I just knew that with every push my stingray was that much closer.  Then I could be a new real woman.                                         

Stingray born into water.  I named her Love Empowerment.  All natural.  Oh there was a baby there too another girl I called her Savia Vagania because she saved my life and gave me the vagina I always wanted.  This time life was indeed beatiful.   

Now I have one AH-MAZING Stingray for a vagina, one beautiful perfect little girl who gave her mother the best gift of all, a NUCBA2C, two other kids too.  I am so grateful to have been able to prove those doctors wrong and push a baby out of me.  Nothing can top that feeling. 

Screw the Flu

Pffft, come on now ladies!! Too many Big Pharma shills trying to make you sick with things like "flu shots" since if they make you sick you'll see the doctor more often and then they will get more kickbacks from Big Pharma for all the RX drugs they give you.  Don't be duped.

The Flu is just Dark matter and the Flu vaccine is a joke.

So don't be a sucker, avoid toxic vaccines.  

1. Drink some Placenta infused whiskey tinicture
2. use Kale leaves to wipe the babies nose then Mama should eat them so she can produce antibodies in her milk for the baby. This also works for anyone else in the family you want to feed your breast milk

DON'T FORGET THE ONIONS

Good Birth attendant Tips

      What happens when the only things bright and vibrant about your birthing Mama are her hair, makeup and birth accessories?  What happens when her skin is ashen gray and she's no longer responsive?  Quite often what is happening is that Mama is experience a Postpartum Hemorrhage (abbreviated as PPH) 

     You often her medwives and OBs blabbering on about Active management of the third stage of labor (Abbreviated AMTSL) but any good holistic midwife knows that the need for traction and uterotonic drugs is a load of fearmongering and hogwash.
     All you need is to cut off a chunk of the placenta if it has expelled or if not cinnamon hard candies work in a pinch.  Make sure that you're using real cinnamon candies not some artificial sugar free GMO HFCS garbage.
Happy Clotting ladies

XOXOX
Harmony

Welcome to The Mama Tao Team.... Harmony

Harmony River-Rain Revolution

We'd like to give a Big Mama Tao style welcome to Harmony River-Rain Revolution, our newest member of the team.  Harmony is a seasoned Midwife with more than 20 births under her belt.  She is an amazing photographer and will be using her skills to capture birth photos for the blog.  Harmony will be acting as chief editor here at themamatao.com.  Her duties will enclude both the literary editing and visual editing.
Hoping that she likes us and feels a warm and cozy welcoming from the readers, as well as, the rest of the team.

Dear Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
I need a birth-related project for the lint I collect from my dryer vent.  Any suggestions?
The lint is gray.
signed,
A disenfranchised Gen X slacker

Dear slacker,
dryer lint has many birth uses.  You can weave a reboz to use to help during labor with stuck bebehs.  You can use it to stuff you hand knit tampons uppin there absorbing powers.  Or just use it to seal up a rectovaginal fistula
love,
Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
I am pregnant but I can't be sure when I conceived.  I don't chart.  How can I find out when I don't want to get one of those dangerous sonograms
signed,
knocked up in MI

Dear knocked up,
babies come when they are ready who cares when you conceived.  love,
Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
Do Garlic and yogurt have any other uses besides, well you know....in the chacha, the way nature intended.  Because Mah neighbor said something about tzatziki, it's like this Greek thang?  I just can't imagine using that stuff, for, like, food.  Do people actually EAT those there thangs?  
signed,
Ooohmpah

Dear Ooohmpah,
anything you can put in your yoni you can put in your mouth.  Ooooom nom nom and it will also help keep yer guts healthy and teh yeasts out.
love, 
Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
I had my baby 10 months ago and I still have not stopped bleeding.  I had a fourth degree tear but my midwife just told me to keep my legs closed.  I have not opened them in almost a year.  Why can't I heal like Nature intended?
signed,
Horny in Appalachia

Dear Horny,
Pfffft trust yer sacred yoni and get some dryer lint. And FFS keep yer damn legs closed.
Love, 
Mama Tao

Dear Mama Tao,
why does my son have tongue-tie and eczema? Oh and asthma? What did I do while preggo with him to cause all these problems? I know it must be my fault! And if not, then it certainly is my doctor's! Who's to blame?
And before you respond, you should know I don't put much stock in scientific studies.  I've tried coconut oil, GSE, GV, and donor milk and nothing has helped!  Who should be held responsible?
signed, 
Shittay moma

Dear Shittay,
first use google to find Robert S. Mendelsohn, M.D. and if you're not too poor you should buy his books too.  BUT MEh who needs books when you have teh google research?   I don't believe scientifc studies and neither does Mendelsohn prefer the Emperical evidence to science mularkey.  
Well........ as far as blame.  your doctor is to blame for being brainwashed and giving you terrible assvice like getting vaccines but you are to blame for being uneducated enough to listen to him.  google is your friend.
Love,
Mama Tao